Saturday, March 28, 2009

The other night I was tucking Jacob and Matthew into bed. Usually, Matthew is all snuggly and full of hugs and kisses. His beautiful big blue eyes, which dance with mischief and fun, were filled with sadness and the beginning of tears. I pulled him close and asked him if he was okay. With his eyes turned down, he shrugged his tiny shoulders. I knew something was bothering him and so I just held him close. Finally, his little lips quivered and he said, “Mommy, I don’t want you to die.” I gave him a big kiss and told him, I don’t plan on dying anytime soon. By then both Jacob and Matthew had tears spilling down their cheeks. I asked Matthew, “Why do you think, I’m going to die.” He looked at me very seriously and said, “All of your vitamins are falling out of you.” It hit me that my perceptive little guy had heard me talking about my vitamin D levels being very low and that I needed to build them back up. He listens more than I realize and I should have explained things better to him and Jacob.

I pulled them both unto my lap and told them I wasn’t planning on dying anytime soon. I also wanted to be honest and I told them, none of us know when we are going to die. I told them, Jesus is always with us and He will take care of us. Whether, I’m here on earth with them or in heaven…Jesus never leaves us.

Jacob is my little worrywart, told me he still felt yucky on the inside and didn’t want me to be sick anymore. I told him worrying makes us feel sick on the inside and it doesn’t make things better. I told him we need to give our worries to God and let Him take care of things. Jacob wanted to pray about it and so the three of us bowed our head. I prayed first and than Jacob…after Jacob was finished he looked at Matthew and said, “It is your turn to pray.” Matthew looked at him and replied, “I not worried anymore, Jesus is going to take care of it. I’m sleepy.” Jacob told me he knew Jesus was going to take care of me, but he wanted to physically give him his worries. So, I told him to pretend his worries are in his heart, take them you out, and than fling them up to heaven. So, Jacob and I flung are worries up to heaven. I told him it was very important not to try and take the worries back, just to let God take care of them. He hugged me and assured me he felt much better.

I know I have wasted many precious moments worrying, stewing, and fretting over people, situations, and life in general. I have learned the hard way, it doesn’t fix anything, and you can never get those moments back. I have made myself sick with worry and I don’t want my boys to do the same.

How many times have you tried to fix the broken things in life? How many times have you replayed the images of a situation over and over again, in your mind, thinking if only I had done it differently? Have you ever tried to control anything and quickly discovered the only thing being controlled was you?

I am very concerned about my health…more about the impact that it could have upon my family. But I have discovered, I cannot fix anything, even my best attempts have failed miserably. I will continue to rest in the knowledge Jesus loves me and my family more than I can possibly imagine. He will walk with me as He always has and give me the peace and the strength to deal with whatever happens on a daily basis. “My soul finds rest in God alone.” Psalm 62:1

I have always loved the song, “Turn your eyes upon, Jesus”. I pray it will be a blessing to you and it will fill you with the peace that can only come from Jesus.

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