Sunday, January 13, 2008

One of those Days

Did you ever have one of those days, where nothing seems to go right? Yesterday, I really struggled. The day started off ordinary enough…I was enjoying my children…and laughing at their antics.

I was trying to convince Matthew, to sit on the potty chair. And it appeared things were going well, until…he decided he would not poop for me. I knew he had to go…and was holding it in. I gave up trying to force the issue.

I was on the computer and I was trying to fill out one of those surveys, so I could earn some extra cash. Our hospital bills and we do not even have them all yet…are going to be astronomical. I was fervently….trying to fill out this survey about Vogue magazine. I had to laugh…as I would not use that word to describe my life or my wardrobe. They were asking me questions that I considered to be silly and certainly did not apply to me.

During this brief encounter with glamour and glitz…I became aware of Matthew running to the bathroom and talking about his pull-up. He came traipsing out of the bathroom with his pull-up off and inside out and hanging upside down…. I felt like I was in one those moments were you cannot move fast enough…I saw this glob of suspicious looking goo fall too the floor. Matthew knew I wanted the poo in the potty…and so he came up with the brilliant plan of doing his job in his pull-up and dumping the evidence in the potty. Let’s just say…. it ended up everywhere but where it was supposed to go.

As I was cleaning up the mess….I started to cry….I felt an overwhelming sadness about all of the stress we have been under with my health, the family member whose mentally ill, and financial stress. The boys quickly realized, Mommy was crying and they did not know what to do. The harder I tried to pull myself together…the faster the tears fell down my face and dripped off the end of my nose.

I assured the boys that Mommy was okay, and I was not mad at them. Jacob, surmised the situation and said, Mommy are you crying because we are taking the Christmas decorations down today. I tried not to laugh because he was being so thoughtful and considerate, “maybe a little”, I said. I could not tell him of all the things I was really heartsick over.

I called my Mom and I sobbed out my heart to her. My Mom has soothed my heart more times than I can count. She could have been a first class counselor to strangers….but she chose to be available to give wise council to her children. Thank you, Mom for always being there for me!

Troy came in and I fell to pieces all over again. He told me he was very worried and wondered if my thyroid problem was causing me to act this way. He all ready knows I’m an emotional person….but he said this was extreme. I felt a little better after to talking to him.

I didn’t feel hungry for lunch and so I thought I better go back to the survey and finish it up. As I looked at the women in those magazines….my thought was I have nothing in common with them. I want to read stories about real women, who have real lives.

I plodded through the survey rolling my eyes at some of the questions…wanting to ask…who cares! After all of that….I earned one dollar! I decided I would better use my time in studying to earn my MT degree because at the end of an hour….I would make more than a dollar.

My mind was starting to move into a more positive direction when I found out my Tuscan Olive Jar did not survive a crash earlier in the day when the boys were goofing around. Jacob told me the truth with big tears in his eyes…I felt a brief flash of anger…but as I looked into these big beautiful blue eyes filled with remorse…it broke my heart. I told him, I wasn’t angry and that he and Matthew are more important to me than the things I have in my house. The big crack which cannot be hidden makes the Jar look more antique!

As the day went on…I spent time talking to God and pouring out my heart to Him. I found an herbal supplement that appears to help level out my emotions and moods, so far.

By the end of the day, it had turned into: “This is the day, the Lord hath made. I shall rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24

You see during my time with Lord…I heard His voice encourage me through the Word. The beautiful assurance from Isaiah 49 gave my heart peace: “I will never forget you my people, for I have carved you in the palm of my hand. I will never forget you; I will not leave you orphaned. I will never forget my own. Would a mother forget her baby, a woman a child within her womb? Yet, even if these forget…I will never forget my own.”


Cheryl said...

Michelle, I am so sorry to hear about your difficult day. I think many of us mommies can relate to what you experienced (having so many things going wrong when you are already burdened by much and then just finally reaching the breaking point). And I think sometimes as moms we think we are supposed to always be calm and cool and in control and we don't want our children to see us otherwise. But I think even with young children it is not necessarily a bad thing for them to see that you are only human, that you, too, can be sad and in need of comforting. And sometimes in their sweet and innocent way and with their unconditional love they comfort you in a way you would not have thought possible. So I would not worry about crying in front of your children. Of course as you have written the ultimate comfort comes from the Father in heaven, and I know you will continue to turn to Him in all things. But also remember that His care of you often comes through the people in your life, so you should neve hesitate to share what you are going through (as you did with your mom) with those who love you--your family and friends--and to seek the counsel and support that may be had there.

My prayer for you tonight is that you get a very good and refreshing night's sleep and that tomorrow is a better day! God bless!

Melisa said...

Big Hugs!