This writing is in memory and in honor of all of those men and women who have served our country and given the ultimate sacrifice defending our freedom.

Every man must die, but only a few really live. We cannot evade death because it will eventually come; but how we choose to live our lives makes a difference every day. How many of us have the courage to truly live. How many of us seize the day? Make the most out of every minute of our life; so that we can impact and make a difference in someone else’s life. I believe that our country was founded by people who had the courage to live. They believed with their whole being in liberty and justice for all. They had a dream and vision for what they wanted for our country. Patrick Henry stated it best when he said, “I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death”!

It was December of 1915; France, Britain, and Russia were struggling in their fight against the German Empire. A Canadian poet, John McCrae stood by as he watched the steady onward march of the enemy, and the almost hopeless heroism of his comrades to stay the German pressure. They were marching towards certain death and yet they courageously marched forward – fighting for their freedom and that of their countries. After watching this John, sat by the bedside of his dying friend, who had been wounded in battle; he then went on to write,


In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row.
That mark our place, and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing fly.
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the dead, short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow.
Love and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders Fields.

Take up your quarrel with the foe
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep though poppies grow
In Flanders Fields.


Flanders Fields is now a U.S. Military cemetery in Belgium. Buried in this cemetery are the bodies of 368 members of the U.S. armed forces who died in WWI.

This poem is considered by many to be one of the most inspirational of it’s time. It was read from thousands of platforms in France and Britain to recruit more troops and to rally the spirits of existing troops. Once the U.S. decided to enter the war, the poem was read to encourage our troops as well.
When I look at the second verse…… “We are the dead, short days ago we lived…..” These men were willing to look death in the face and bravely they continued to march forward. They realized that they may not see their loved ones again here on earth and that their young lives would all too quickly end. That they might lose their ability to get up in the morning and thank God for another day. They died so that we might live another day in freedom.

Let us remember with honor today and every day all of the men and women that gave their lives for our country from Revolutionary War to the current war on terrorism. We have been given a precious gift to live in the land of the free and the home of the brave.




TAPS

Day is done,
gone the sun,
From the hills,
from the lake,
From the skies.
All is well,
safely rest,
God is nigh.

Go to sleep,
peaceful sleep,
May the soldier
or sailor,
God keep.
On the land
or the deep,
Safe in sleep.

Love, good night,
Must thou go,
When the day,
And the night
Need thee so?
All is well.
Speedeth all
To their rest.

Fades the light;
And afar
Goeth day,
And the stars
Shineth bright,
Fare thee well;
Day has gone,
Night is on.

Thanks and praise,
For our days,
‘Neath the sun,
Neath the stars,
‘Neath the sky,
As we go,
This we know,
God is nigh.

Twenty eight years ago a young girl stood before her congregation to share her faith on her confirmation day. Around her family she was talkative and outspoken but in front of so many she felt timid and shy. As she prepared to talk she asked the Lord to give her strength and to share what she had written out.

Dear Pastor, family, friends, and fellow Christians:

My Confirmation verse is: “Commit thy way unto the Lord, trust also in Him and He shall bring it to pass.” Psalm 37:5. These words were written by an Old Testament poet, possibly King David. The Psalms were written for the Israelites and they were written to praise God much like what our hymns are used today.


My Bible verse reminds me of when we studied Luther’s Catechism, especially the Seventh Petition of the Lord’s Prayer. “But deliver us from evil.” What does this mean? We ask in this inclusive prayer that our Heavenly Father would save us from every evil to body and soul and at our last hour would mercifully take us to His Father in Heaven. This means that we should always trust God because He will always take care of us. This also means we are praying to escape evil, suffering, or pain, but to be set free from the power of the devil.

What my Confirmation verse means to me? I will always put my trust in God because I know He will always take care of me. Whenever I pray to God, I know He will always be there. He will always have time for me and for everyone else who comes to Him. I believe God will always protect me from evil and the power of the devil and when evil does come to me God will take care of it. He will keep it from destroying my faith if I believe and trust in Him. It means that I have committed myself to the Lord and that I should help other people trust in Him.

What being Confirmed means to me? It means becoming a member of St. Paul Lutheran Church and that when I’m a member, I will be able to take Communion. I will be able to help teach God’s Word and to continue coming to church every Sunday even when I’m Confirmed.

I would like to thank my Mom, Dad, and Pastor for helping me through Confirmation.

Today we celebrated Confirmation at Grace. Troy and I had the privilege of teaching the 8th graders Sunday School this year. We were blessed in our opportunity to share our faith to teach God's word.

As we sat there, I couldn't help but remember my own confirmation day 28 years ago today. I remembered when I was in 8th grade and had studied Luther's Catechism and all that it had meant to me. I thought I knew a lot...I know now I had only begin to scratch the surface...there is so much more to learn and to understand.

We also celebrated Good Shepherds Sunday in our church year today, how appropriate for Confirmation Sunday. Many of the hymns moved me to tears...not in an emotional frenzy sort of way...but a realization of all the ways the Lord has walked with me. In a world, which at times, seems to have "gone mad", I trust the Lord above all things. The following are the words of one of the hymns we sang today: Savior, Like a Shepherd Lead Us, I pray the words of this beloved hymn will bless you as much as the blessed me today.

1. Savior, like a shepherd lead us,
much we need thy tender care;
in thy pleasant pastures feed us,
for our use thy folds prepare.
Blessed Jesus, blessed Jesus!
Thou hast bought us, thine we are.
Blessed Jesus, blessed Jesus!
Thou hast bought us, thine we are.

2. We are thine, thou dost befriend us,
be the guardian of our way;
keep thy flock, from sin defend us,
seek us when we go astray.
Blessed Jesus, blessed Jesus!
Hear, O hear us when we pray.
Blessed Jesus, blessed Jesus!
Hear, O hear us when we pray.

3. Thou hast promised to receive us,
poor and sinful though we be;
thou hast mercy to relieve us,
grace to cleanse and power to free.
Blessed Jesus, blessed Jesus!
We will early turn to thee.
Blessed Jesus, blessed Jesus!
We will early turn to thee.

4. Early let us seek thy favor,
early let us do thy will;
blessed Lord and only Savior,
with thy love our bosoms fill.
Blessed Jesus, blessed Jesus!
Thou hast loved us, love us still.
Blessed Jesus, blessed Jesus!
Thou hast loved us, love us still.

It has been awhile since I have posted. I have been struggling with my health issues and it has been enough for me to homeschool and take care of the daily things around the house. I do have a surgery date, May 14, and so I am very thankful to know it is just around the corner.

I've shared a little about what happened when my Dad was so sick a year ago. Yesterday, my Dad celebrated another Birthday, Happy Birthday Dad! As I reflect back upon a year ago and see how far my Dad has come, I recognize how God never left my Dad's side, not for one minute.

I was reading over the journal we kept for my Dad and I want to share a line or two from there with you. "My Dad is weak right now....but the One who loves him more than we can possibly imagine is always strong. Dad is relying on the Lord's strength now and for now that is enough."

I have always viewed my Dad as a very strong person and I mentioned how devestating it was for all of us to see him so weak and helpless after surgery. In thinking about all that has happened and about my Dad, I realized my Dad's strength has always come from the Lord.

Our strength as we sat with my Dad and waited until his body was strong enough to come out of sedation came from the Lord. Even though, I lived each moment of what happened, as I look back, I think how did we come through all of the trials? I know the Lord carried us through, and helped us deal with each moment as needed. He gave us His peace, which is beyond our human understanding. I truly believe God cushioned us with His love by allowing our minds to not to become stuck in the horror of what was going on. We were able to focus on God and His promises. We know we could have never done these things on our own.

One of the Bible verses I shared in our journal was taken from Psalm 27, it had always been a favorite of mine, but I read it in the King James version. "14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD."

I've lived long enough to know we all face struggles in our daily lives. My prayer for each of you is that you will know God's peace. And realize you are never alone, you do not need to rely upon your own strength, He gives and provides all you need for each and every moment.

I've share this Psalm before but I have found a clip on youtube I think you will enjoy it.

Five Minutes

Last week I shared with you about my Dad’s heart attack over a year ago and how we almost lost him.

Before our Dad was able to go into heart surgery, he had another heart attack. They were unable to stop the attack and so they rushed him into emergency surgery. The surgery went well and everything appeared to be right on track. Jimella and I were not at the hospital but at home waiting beside our phones for updates from our Mom, Sheila or David. Throughout the day the reports kept getting worse instead of better. Our younger sister has a friend who is a doctor and she was able to view Dad’s reports, she told Sheila; tell your sisters too come. They need to be here.

Thanks to our dear friends, Melisa and David, they agreed to watch the boys for us while I was gone. Troy had just started a new job and had to leave for work at 4:00 a.m. each morning. I don’t know if they will ever realize the magnitude of the gift they gave so I could be with my parents and my siblings.

Jimella and I had a nine hour car trip before us. (It was a year ago today.) We decided not to talk about the severity of our Dad’s health and the “what if’s”. We needed to be alert for driving and not bawling our eyes out. Jimella, I have a confession to make. Even though we didn’t talk about it, my mind was spinning like a hamster wheel with thoughts I could not have voiced even if we had agreed to talk about it. My biggest fear was we would not make it in time to hospital, and Dad would die before we got there. I prayed I could tell Dad one more time that I loved him; it didn’t matter if he was in an induced coma, I had to be able to say it. I had to see my, Dad, one more time. To hold his hand, to pray, to encourage him, please just one more time, God…was the whisper of my heart.

We kept in contact with our Mom by cell-phone on the long trip north. There was no change in Dad’s health. Critical but stable.

We arrived at the hospital in hopes we could see Dad right away. But they had just gone into see Dad and so we had to wait another hour before we could see him. Only three could go in at a time and for only five minutes.

It was better for us to visit with Mom, Sheila, and David before we saw Dad for the first time. They were able to prepare us (sort of) and to remind us, not to let tears fill our voices or Dad to hear concern. Even though Dad was sedated his blood pressure would go up a little each time someone would talk to him.

You know five minutes can seem like eternity when you are waiting for a phone call or for something life changing to happen. But when you have been waiting to see your Dad and you don’t know if he is going to make it or not…five minutes flies by faster than you ever thought possible.

I had prayed all day long for this moment, that the Lord will help me to be strong for my Dad, my Mom, and for my siblings. I know Jesus carried me into my Dad’s ICU room. There was nothing anyone could have said to truly prepare me for the moment I would look upon my Dad’s face. I wanted to run from the room as fast as I could get out of there, I was hoping it was just a bad dream, and that it really wasn’t my Dad lying there so sick. God was holding all of us in His loving arms as we gazed upon our Dad, the one we have always known as healthy and strong. The Lord gave me the presence of mind to stay calm and the right words to say. “My soul finds rest in God alone.” Psalm 62:1 kept playing through my mind. I shared those words with my Dad; they were just as much for him as they were for me. Before I knew it was time for us to leave again. As we left the ICU the tears I had held back for so long came, I didn’t know if I could or even wanted to stop crying. But I knew I needed to pull myself together to be strong for my Mom. I could hear my Dad’s voice in my head; you need to take care of your Mom. For as hard as it was on all of us kids, I knew it had to be the most difficult for, Mom. To watch your husband, best friend, and the love of your life so sick…I couldn’t imagine.

I will share some more over my next couple of writings of some of what happened while we waited to see if my Dad would make it or not.

I have some questions for you. Are you ready for your five minutes? You never know what might happen in your life or those you love? Can you prepare yourself for those minutes? Please don’t fill your heart with worry over what may or may not happen. But there is nothing in life that surprises God. He knows what each day will hold in store for us. He doesn’t plan the bad things to happen, He knows because he is all-knowing. My parents taught me to trust God in all things…and as I have said before…they just didn’t teach us this lesson, they lived it. I learned I could trust God with every aspect of my life and you know He has never let me down.

I have been through situations so difficult; I didn’t know I could ever manage to get through it. But I knew God would walk with me and never leave my side. I knew somehow I would make it to the other side. I can’t take credit for my faith because it is the Holy Spirit working in me that helps me to trust and believe.

I pray you can find perfect peace in the “five minutes” of your life. You can only find it in the One who gave His life for you, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Alleluia! Christ has Risen! He has Risen Indeed! The tomb is empty! Despite the plans of men, God did not fail; Jesus rose victoriously from the grave! Our lives have changed forever.

One of my favorite Easter memories is from the first Easter I spent in Peoria. Because I was involved in the worship service I was part of the processional. The processional Cross was covered with a black hood and the cross on the altar was covered in black as well from the “Good Friday” service. As we started to walk into the sanctuary you could hear the brass boldly and triumphantly playing and as we proceeded down the aisle the black was removed from both of the crosses. It was a representation of the veil of sin and death being removed forever. Jesus had gone to the Father on our behalf and now we too could come before God. It was one of those holy and sacred moments that I will remember forever.

A little later on in the service we were singing “I Know That My Redeemer Lives” and we were singing the fourth verse, “He lives, my kind, wise, heavenly friend; He lives and loves me to the end; He lives, and while He lives, I’ll sing; He lives, my Prophet, Priest, and King!” At that moment I looked up at the beautiful statue they have of Jesus on the altar- and for the very first time I noticed the nail scars on His hands. I could not finish the rest of the hymn because I was so overwhelmed with emotion. Jesus, the King of all creation, died for my sins. I put those nail scars on His hands. I knew that I had been redeemed by the precious blood of Jesus, even though I did nothing to deserve it. I couldn’t sing the words with my mouth, but I was singing them in my heart.

Can you imagine the joy that Mary felt on that first Easter morning when Jesus first said her name? That Joy is ours because Jesus is calling us by name. He is saying, “(your name) come and walk with me. I have won the victory over sin, death, and the devil for you; your life will never be the same. You will never have to be separated from your heavenly Father; I have made that sacrifice on your behalf. Come and discover all that I have to offer you, come and rest in the Joy, Hope, Love, and Peace that you can only find through me.”

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

Alleluia! Christ has Risen! He is Risen Indeed!

As I was reading this passage, I was once again amazed by these verses: “On the next day, which is the day after the Preparation, the chief priests and Pharisees came to Pilate in a body. “Sir,” they said, “we remember that, while He was still alive, that deceiver (Jesus) said, ‘After three days I will rise again.’ Give orders, therefore, that the tomb should be kept secure until the three days are ended, in case His disciples come and steal him and say to the people, ‘He has been raised from among the dead.’ If that happens, the final deception will be worse than the first.” Pilate said, “Take a guard, and make it secure as you can.” They went and secured the tomb by setting a seal upon it as well as placing a guard.” Matthew 27:62-66

The irony of all of this is that the Pharisees, who had so many times accused Jesus of breaking the Jewish law, of nothing is to be done on the Sabbath. They themselves, in an effort to make sure that Jesus’ body could never be removed from His tomb, broke one of their sacred laws. This only goes to show the lengths they were willing to take to make sure that Jesus would not cause anymore problems for them.

I wonder: Do you think they were remembering how Jesus had raised people from the dead? Do you think they were maybe a little fearful after they had heard Jesus’ final cry on the cross? Do you suppose this was their feeble human attempt to stop God from fulfilling His plan?

We know the ending of this beloved story. We know that there is not a tomb in the world that could hold the risen, victorious Christ. Their scheming and planning could not hold Him in the grave. We know that anybody who seeks to put limits on Jesus Christ is on a hopeless mission.

Today we remember that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. Sometimes I think we say that phrase without remembering what it really means. The word crucifixion comes from the word “excruciating.” To be crucified is the most horrific and painful death a person can suffer. We can only begin to imagine the physical pain that Jesus suffered. Jesus also suffered spiritually and emotionally in a way that we never will. When He cried out, “My God, My God why have you forsaken me?” it was because at that moment, Jesus was separated from God. Now how could Jesus, who is also God, be separated from God? That has always been a great mystery – even to the greatest of theologians... He, who was without sin, became sin for us all and suffered separation from God. That is the only way we could be saved. Jesus knew what would happen and yet the night before He told His Father, “Not my will, but your will.” Our sins nailed Him to the cross, but His amazing love for you and for me held Him there.

If we would have been standing there that day we would have also heard Jesus say, “It is finished.” Jesus did not only say this, He shouted it out. “It is finished,” is three words in English; but in Greek it is one “Tetelestai” as it would be in Aramaic. And “Tetelestai” is the victor’s shout; it is the cry of a person who has won through the struggle; it is the cry of a person who has come out of the dark into the glory of light, and who has grasped the crown. So, then, Jesus died a victor with a shout of triumph on His lips.

“Here is the precious thing. Jesus passed through the uttermost abyss, and then the light broke. If we, too, cling to God even there seems to be no God, desperately and invincibly clutching the remnants of our faith, quite certainly the dawn will break and we will win through. The victor is the person who refuses to believe that God has forgotten them, even when every fiber of their being feels they are forsaken. The victor is the person who will never lot go of their faith, even when they feel that its last grounds are gone. The victor is the person who has been beaten to the depths and still hold on to God, for that is what Jesus did.” (William Barclay)

This video has a lot of pictures...could be a little distracting. I found myself closing my eyes and just listening to the words.

Maundy Thursday

“Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed Him. On reaching the place, He said to them, ‘Pray that you will not fall into temptation.’ He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, ‘Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will but yours be done.’ An angel from heaven appeared to Him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, He prayed more earnestly, and His sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. When He rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, He found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow. ‘Why are you sleeping?’ He asked them. ‘Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.’” Luke 22:39-46

Did you notice in the beginning of this scripture passage that it says, “Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives?” I was curious about that and so I looked at my footnotes and it said to look at Luke 21:37 “Each day Jesus was teaching at the temple and each evening He went out to spend the night on the Mount of Olives.” Every night starting with the Triumphal Entry to the night in which Jesus was betrayed, He went out to pray.

Jesus was preparing Himself for the “Battle of all- time” that would change history and our lives forever. He made himself ready by praying and spending time with His Father. Jesus knew what He had to do and He was struggling with it and so He would pour out His heart to His Father.

We cannot even begin to imagine what Jesus went through that night, but I would venture to guess we have all wrestled in understanding God’s will for our lives. Have you ever struggled with something until you are completely worn out?

A year ago, it was a day like any other day. I went through my day taking care of the boys and getting ready for a Doctor's appointment. After I finished my appointment I stopped at the store for a few things...and they had a new kind of chocolate treat. I thought, it would be a nice suprise to leave in the car for Troy.

As I drove home, I called my parents. I knew they were going to spend the day with my Grandma but I had expected them to be home..but they were not. As I walked in the door the boys ran to greet me with hugs and kisses and I continued into the house to find Troy to give him a hug. When I looked into his eyes I could see he was deeply troubled and I knew something was wrong. He hugged me close and told me that my Dad was being taken by ambulance to Duluth as he had experienced chest pains. I felt as if the room was spinning and at the same time my breath was being sucked from me. I went into our bedroom and started to cry. Jacob and Matthew were immediately in there wanting to know what was wrong, why was I so sad. We told them Grandpa Jim was sick and he was going to the hospital to get things checked out. I pulled myself together for the sake of the boys and we sat on our bed and prayed for Grandpa Jim.

My Dad was in an ambulance and it would take five hours to get to Duluth from where he was at. During that time we did not have any contact with the ambulance team, in the rush cell-phone numbers were not given. My Mom and my brother were in route and their cell-phone did not have great service. I knew they would call when they arrived in Duluth and had a report on Dad. For three hours I sat and waited. I prayed my Dad would live...I prayed for another opportunity to see him..to hear his voice...to laugh with him... I "if onlied" myself until I was a basket case. Finally, I asked the Lord to give me peace. I knew no matter what happened, my Dad was with the Lord. Whether he lived or he died he was with Him. There was nothing else I could do. I asked the Lord to prepare my heart and to give me strength for whatever the future held. I couldn't fix it, I couldn't control it, all I could do was trust in the One, whom my Dad and Mom had trusted all of their lives. My parents not only taught me the faith, they lived in faith. Jesus was the center of their lives and I leaned upon the lessons they had instilled in me at an early age.

My Dad made it to the hospital and I was able to talk to him on the phone the next morning. My Dad is still with us and I give thanks to God for his life every day.

God is with you in your darkest hours and He will never leave your side. We want the best possible outcome to our prayers and it is not wrong to ask. But there will be times when our answers feel like God was not listening and think perhaps He has abandoned us and we question His love for us. God listens and He loves you more than you can possibly imagine. I have had plenty of prayers where I have felt those things...but along lifes journey..I have learned to trust. Whatever happens the Lord will lead me and guide me and give me strenght for each moment. May God fill you with His perfect peace today and always.

About 14 years ago at a Good Friday service we had the opportunity to come forward at our church and pound a nail into a huge wooden cross. As we were pounding the nail, we were to say, “Jesus, it was my sins that nailed you to the cross.”This was a new experience for all of us and many of us needed a little time to think about it. We didn’t want to be the only one going up to the front of the church.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed our Pastor’s son moving towards the cross. He was in a wheelchair and when he got close enough he came down out of his wheel chair and crawled to the cross. I held my breathe in anticipation as I watched him get ready to pound his nail into the cross. As he raised the hammer and struck the first blow, it was a horrible sound that echoed through the sanctuary and pierced my heart. I felt distraught as the realization came home to me in a profound and meaningful way. My sins had nailed Jesus to the cross.My eyes became filled with tears as I hung my head in shame. I thought about how I didn’t know if I wanted to be the only one up there and yet I knew that if I was the only one on earth, Jesus would have died for my sins. I got up from my seat and walked to the front of the church. I could hardly see as the tears filled up my eyes and spilled down my cheeks. I didn’t care at that moment if anyone saw me; this was a sacred moment between my Savior and me. I stooped down to pick up the hammer and the nail; I could barely say the words because my throat was tight with grief. I didn’t want to pound that nail into the cross because I didn’t want to admit that my sins had nailed Jesus to the cross.I rose up and I somehow managed to walk back to my seat. I felt a sorrow so great that my heart hurt as it hung heavy with grief. I couldn’t help but think of the words from the hymn

Stricken, Smitten, and Afflicted:
“Ye who think of sin but lightly
Nor suppose the evil great
Here may view its nature rightly,
Here its guilt may estimate.
Mark the Sacrifice appointed,
See who bears the awful load;
'Tis the Word, the Lord's Anointed,
Son of Man and Son of God.”

As I sat there in the silence and thinking about my sins, my heart began to fill with peace. I knew that Jesus loved me and had forgiven me. The fourth verse of the hymn brought even more comfort to me.

“Here we have a firm foundation,
Here the refuge of the lost;
Christ's the Rock of our salvation,
His the name of which we boast.
Lamb of God, for sinners wounded,
Sacrifice to cancel guilt!
None shall ever be confounded
Who on him their hope have built.”

Today is Palm Sunday, the beginning of Holy week. “The disciples went out and did what Jesus had instructed of them. They brought the donkey and the colt and placed their cloaks on them, and Jesus sat on them. A very large crowd spread their cloaks on the road, while others cut branches from the trees and spread them on the road. The crowds that went ahead of him and those that followed shouted, ‘Hosanna to the son of David! Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord! Hosanna, in the highest!’” Matthew 21:6-9 Have you ever wondered as to what the word “Hosanna” means? It is a shout of fervent and worshipful praise. It is a cry of praise or adoration to God. When they say Hosanna in the highest, it means let all who are in heave praise you as well.How could the very voices that are now raised in praise and adoration, become filled with hatred and cruelty on Friday when they shout “Crucify him”.

At the very same time that Jesus is making His triumphal entry into Jerusalem the Passover lambs were coming in through the sheep gate of the city. It is also interesting to note that all of the Passover lambs were born and raised in Bethlehem. The Lambs were being led into the city for the Passover Sacrifice. The “Lamb of God”, the perfect one was also being led in to Jerusalem and He would make the ultimate and final sacrifice for our sins.As we begin this Holy week, let us walk with Jesus the lonely road to Calvary. As we walk we will remember our Savior’s love for each one of us.

I forgive you. How could three words, four syllables be so hard to say? I'm sure there are some who would tell me: You do not know the pain I have suffered, you cannot begin to fathom what they have done to me, I didn't deserve to be treated the way I was treated, they don't even care that they have hurt me, and the list goes on. How could I possibly know what you might say in your defense? Well, I'm sure I have thought the very same thoughts...my list is longer...and I'm sure yours could be too.

I struggle with forgiveness. It is especially hard to forgive someone when they never ask for it and they are not sorry for what they have done. Or when they continue to hurt you or the people you love. You are finally able to forgive and than another situation arises.

There are many instances I could share but I will go back over twenty years. I was on my internship and I was looking forward to my youngest brother graduating from highschool. I had talked to my Pastor at the beginning of my internship letting him know when it was and he told me that when the time came we would work it out.

My intership Pastor did not keep his promise and in fact he told me I would fail my internship if I went home for my brothers highschool graudation. My internship was a huge struggle and challenge...I worked with a Pastor who had a type A personality. I am the opposite. I tried to live up to his standards...and I never could. I made mistakes and I was not a perfect intern. But I did the best I could in the circumstances I found myself in. I loved the people at my church and if they would have known, what was going on...they would have been devestated.

It took me a long time to get over missing my brother's graduation. To this day when I see pictures, my eyes fill with tears.

I forgave the Pastor a long time ago. He never asked for my forgiveness and I'm sure he would tell you he made the right decision in not letting me go.

I learned a long time ago the only person you hurt when you do not forgive is yourself. You begin to sink into slimey pit of self-pity and you become stuck in the sin of your unforgiveness. God asks us to do the unthinkable from our point of view to forgive. God commands us to forgive as He has forgiven us.

We can become chained to our bitterness and anger. We get so caught up in what happened to us in the past...we miss the gifts of the present. We keep a list of the wrongs that have been done to us and it becomes so long we cannot even begin to carry the burden of it around with us anymore.

I believe God commands us to forgive for our own good. We have a lot of misconceptions about forgiveness.

I recently found an article in Focus on the Family on forgiveness. I would like to share it with you.

Forgiveness
Clearing up common misconceptions
by Laura Petherbridge
Angela knew she needed to forgive Leslie, but she didn't know how. After all, Leslie had betrayed their friendship by sharing conversations that were meant to stay private. But Angela knew that if she didn't get rid of her anger and forgive, the bitterness might consume her.
During more than 20 years as a speaker and teacher, I've encountered a vast number of people who are struggling to forgive someone. They understand the importance of forgiveness. But few have been taught how to do it. The cycle of bitterness and revenge continues often due to an inaccurate view of forgiveness. A number of resources explain what forgiveness is, but there is little that helps a person understand what it is not. And that is often the key.
1. Forgiveness is not a feeling.
If you are waiting until the feeling to forgive comes upon you, it's unlikely to occur. Forgiveness is an act of obedience to God, stemming from gratitude for His grace. And God knows that revenge, anger and rage can destroy us spiritually, emotionally and physically. Christ paid too much for His beloved ones to have them be slaves to anything, particularly hatred. He wants His children free. And a person is never free when weighed down with bitterness. When the cold shackles of revenge are tightly clasped around our wrists, it's impossible to lift our hands in praise to Him.
2. Forgiveness is not pretending you were not hurt.
Walking around with a painted-on smile when you are seething inside is not forgiveness. In Scripture we never see Jesus pretend. When He was sad, He cried (John 11:35). When He was angry, He turned over the tables in the temple (John 2:15-16). Someone has betrayed your trust, damaged your soul or caused a loss. It is OK to recognize and feel the hurt instigated by another's behavior.
3. Forgiveness is not condoning what the person did to you.
Many people hesitate to forgive because they feel as though the wrongdoer is getting away with the offense or that forgiveness will somehow condone the offender's choices. It doesn't. Instead, forgiving releases the wrongdoer from the debt she owes you and releases you from the bitterness.
4. Forgiveness is not trusting the offender.
After a betrayal, trust is not an automatic right of the offender. Forgiveness does not mean you immediately allow the person back into your life or heart. If someone is repentant and willing to work on restoring the relationship, you might be able to trust him again eventually. However, sometimes those who wound us shouldn't be trusted again. Though forgiveness should not be contingent on the perpetrator's repentance, a truly repentant person doesn't demand forgiveness or misuse Bible verses in an attempt to make you feel guilty. He humbly accepts complete responsibility for the sin and the consequences for his actions (Psalm 51), which may include giving you time to see evidence of his trustworthiness.
I have people in my life whom I have forgiven but I no longer trust because they have chosen to continue the same negative patterns that caused the offense or hurt in the first place.
5. Forgiveness is not relieving the person of responsibility.
A person shouldn't be "off the hook" from his or her responsibilities just because you choose to forgive. For example, a wife may be forgiven for placing the family in financial ruin with debt, but she should still be responsible for paying off the debt. A former husband may be forgiven for destroying his marriage with an affair, but he should still pay child support to his former wife.
Forgiveness doesn't eradicate responsibility. It's not unloving to hold someone accountable. Often accountability is the most loving thing you can do because it could lead to repentance.

Forgiveness — releasing resentment against one who has offended or hurt you — is rarely a one-time event. The pain doesn't necessarily disappear once you forgive someone. And those closest to us may hurt us repeatedly, requiring us to forgive multiple times.
The best way to step toward forgiveness is to admit that you need to forgive. Be honest with the Lord and ask Him to reveal any distorted thinking you may have about forgiveness. That often begins with discovering the difference between what forgiveness is — and what it is not.
This article first appeared in the November, 2008 issue of Focus on the Family magazine. Copyright © 2008 Laura Petherbridge. All rights reserved.
Laura Petherbridge speaks and writes on relationships, spiritual growth and divorce care around the world.

The other night I was tucking Jacob and Matthew into bed. Usually, Matthew is all snuggly and full of hugs and kisses. His beautiful big blue eyes, which dance with mischief and fun, were filled with sadness and the beginning of tears. I pulled him close and asked him if he was okay. With his eyes turned down, he shrugged his tiny shoulders. I knew something was bothering him and so I just held him close. Finally, his little lips quivered and he said, “Mommy, I don’t want you to die.” I gave him a big kiss and told him, I don’t plan on dying anytime soon. By then both Jacob and Matthew had tears spilling down their cheeks. I asked Matthew, “Why do you think, I’m going to die.” He looked at me very seriously and said, “All of your vitamins are falling out of you.” It hit me that my perceptive little guy had heard me talking about my vitamin D levels being very low and that I needed to build them back up. He listens more than I realize and I should have explained things better to him and Jacob.

I pulled them both unto my lap and told them I wasn’t planning on dying anytime soon. I also wanted to be honest and I told them, none of us know when we are going to die. I told them, Jesus is always with us and He will take care of us. Whether, I’m here on earth with them or in heaven…Jesus never leaves us.

Jacob is my little worrywart, told me he still felt yucky on the inside and didn’t want me to be sick anymore. I told him worrying makes us feel sick on the inside and it doesn’t make things better. I told him we need to give our worries to God and let Him take care of things. Jacob wanted to pray about it and so the three of us bowed our head. I prayed first and than Jacob…after Jacob was finished he looked at Matthew and said, “It is your turn to pray.” Matthew looked at him and replied, “I not worried anymore, Jesus is going to take care of it. I’m sleepy.” Jacob told me he knew Jesus was going to take care of me, but he wanted to physically give him his worries. So, I told him to pretend his worries are in his heart, take them you out, and than fling them up to heaven. So, Jacob and I flung are worries up to heaven. I told him it was very important not to try and take the worries back, just to let God take care of them. He hugged me and assured me he felt much better.

I know I have wasted many precious moments worrying, stewing, and fretting over people, situations, and life in general. I have learned the hard way, it doesn’t fix anything, and you can never get those moments back. I have made myself sick with worry and I don’t want my boys to do the same.

How many times have you tried to fix the broken things in life? How many times have you replayed the images of a situation over and over again, in your mind, thinking if only I had done it differently? Have you ever tried to control anything and quickly discovered the only thing being controlled was you?

I am very concerned about my health…more about the impact that it could have upon my family. But I have discovered, I cannot fix anything, even my best attempts have failed miserably. I will continue to rest in the knowledge Jesus loves me and my family more than I can possibly imagine. He will walk with me as He always has and give me the peace and the strength to deal with whatever happens on a daily basis. “My soul finds rest in God alone.” Psalm 62:1

I have always loved the song, “Turn your eyes upon, Jesus”. I pray it will be a blessing to you and it will fill you with the peace that can only come from Jesus.

I'm sorry I have not posted as much as I wanted too. It has become more difficult for me to find the time. With my illness it is challenging to do the things that I need to get done on a daily basis with my boys. Homeschooling comes first and trying to keep up with the daily task of keeping house. I'm posting something from Max Lucado. It is one my favorite pieces that I have received through his devotions he sends out. I want to do a few writings on forgiveness over the next couple of weeks. I thought this would be a good way to start it out. We often get caught up in holding grudges against people...and some times we might even have a good reason. But if you let it control your life...you are missing out on the joy of daily life. It is my prayer as you read this reading...that you do not think about how you really know someone who should read this...focus on yourself. Let God speak to you through this writing. We all have relationships we struggle with...we live in a broken and sinful world. May God continue to bless you on your Lenten Journey.

He Can Heal the Hurt
by Max Lucado

Grudge is one of those words that defines itself. Its very sound betrays its meaning.

Say it slowly: “Grr-uuuud-ge.”

It starts with a growl. “Grr …” Like a bear with bad breath coming out of hibernation or a mangy mongrel defending his bone in an alley. “Grrr …”

Remove a GR from the word grudge and replace it with SL and you have the junk that grudge bearers trudge through. Sludge. Black, thick, ankle-deep resentment that steals the bounce from the step. No joyful skips through the meadows. No healthy hikes up the mountain. Just day after day of walking into the storm, shoulders bent against the wind, and feet dragging through all the muck life has delivered.

Is this the way you are coping with your hurts? Are you allowing your hurts to turn into hates? If so, ask yourself: Is it working? Has your hatred done you any good? Has your resentment brought you any relief, any peace? Has it granted you any joy?

Let’s say you get even. Let’s say you get him back. Let’s say she gets what she deserves. Let’s say your fantasy of fury runs its ferocious course and you return all your pain with interest. Imagine yourself standing over the corpse of the one you have hated. Will you now be free?

The writer of the following letter thought she would be. She thought her revenge would bring release. But she learned otherwise.

I caught my husband making love to another woman. He swore it would never happen again. He begged me to forgive him, but I could not—would not. I was so bitter and so incapable of swallowing my pride that I could think of nothing but revenge. I was going to make him pay and pay dearly. I’d have my pound of flesh.

I filed for divorce, even though my children begged me not to.

Even after the divorce, my husband tried for two years to win me back. I refused to have anything to do with him. He had struck first; now I was striking back. All I wanted was to make him pay.

Finally he gave up and married a lovely young widow with a couple of small children. He began rebuilding his life—without me.

I see them occasionally, and he looks so happy. They all do. And here I am—a lonely, old, miserable woman who allowed her selfish pride and foolish stubbornness to ruin her life.

Unfaithfulness is wrong. Revenge is bad. But the worst part of all is that, without forgiveness, bitterness is all that is left.

The state of your heart dictates whether you harbor a grudge or give grace, seek self-pity or seek Christ, drink human misery or taste God’s mercy.

No wonder, then, the wise man begs, “Above all else, guard your heart.”

David’s prayer should be ours: “Create in me a pure heart, O God.”


From
The Applause of Heaven
© (Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1999) Max Lucado

Do you ever long to have your life tied up into a neat and tidy package? Have any of you accomplished this feat? If you have, wanna share your secret?

Maybe my life is the only one that gets really messy and at times makes no earthly sense...although I have friends and we often compare notes...and they wish their lives were more orderly too.

Do you ever wonder if God could use your help? Or possibly you might have a better idea on how things might work out more to your advantage. You have a plan and you would rather it not include pain and suffering...and did I mention you would rather not deal with messy.

So many times in my life, I have thought I knew how things would work out for the best for me...and when they did not work out I was really disappointed...at first. But then I begin to realize God is always working through my life...He doesn't cause the upheaval, pain, or suffering...but He can bring good out of any situation.

God can take the broken pieces of our lives and bring healing in ways we could have never imagined.

Some of you may know I have been dealing with some health issues. I will eventually have surgery but it has been put on hold for awhile. I cannot even begin to tell you how discouraged I feel... You see my illness causes extreme exhaustion, depression, heart racing, and just a genuine overall feeling of living in a fog. Thankfully there are some good days...and I take advantage of those moments. I have two amazing reasons to get up of bed each morning....their sweet little faces...telling me good morning and greeting me with hugs and kisses. God has blessed me with an amazing husband who loves me through the ups and downs of our daily lives.

During this challenging time in my life God has surrounded me with His love through my family and friends. I have felt His peace and I know most days I move on the strength that He has given me. I often wish I didn't have to go through all of this....but never have a questioned God's love for me. I need to clarify, I don't think God caused me to be sick, but I know He can bring good out of it.

I don't pretend to understand all I can do is trust each day to the One who loves me more than I can comprehend. Jesus is with me in all of my moments...the good, the bad, and the very ugly.

As I reflect on all that God has done for me...this beautiful hymn comes to mind. I pray the words will minister to your heart and you will know God's peace today and always.

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Olive Wyon, in her book Consider Him, quotes a story from the letters St. Francis of Sales. St. Francis has ntoiced a custom of the country districts in which he lived. He had often noticed a farm servant going across a framyard to draw water at the well; he also noticed that, before she lifted the brimming pail, the girl always put a piece of wood into it. One day he went out to the girl and asked her, "Why do you do that? " She looked surprised and answered, as if it were a matter of course, "Why? to keep the water from spilling...to keep it steady!" Writing to a friend later on, the bishop told this story and added: So when your heart is distressed and agitated, put the Cross into its centre to keep it steady!" In every time of storm and stress, the presence of Jesus and the love which flows from the Cross bring peace and serenity and calm.

As we walk the road to Calvary, with Jesus, during this Lenten season. Remember Jesus already walked this road before you. He carried all of your burdens, sorrows, sins, and pain. Let His peace, the peace that surpasses all human understanding fill your heart on mind today and always.

Psalm 118
His Steadfast Love Endures Forever

1 Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
for his steadfast love endures forever!

2 Let Israel say,
"His steadfast love endures forever."
3 Let the house of Aaron say,
"His steadfast love endures forever."
4 Let those who fear the LORD say,
"His steadfast love endures forever."

5 Out of my distress I called on the LORD;
the LORD answered me and set me free.
6 The LORD is on my side; I will not fear.
What can man do to me?
7 The LORD is on my side as my helper;
I shall look in triumph on those who hate me.

8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in man.
9It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in princes.

10 All nations surrounded me;
in the name of the LORD I cut them off!
11They surrounded me, surrounded me on every side;
in the name of the LORD I cut them off!
12 They surrounded me like bees;
they went out like a fire among thorns;
in the name of the LORD I cut them off!
13I was pushed hard, so that I was falling,
but the LORD helped me.

14The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.
15Glad songs of salvation
are in the tents of the righteous:
"The right hand of the LORD does valiantly,
16the right hand of the LORD exalts,
the right hand of the LORD does valiantly!"

17 I shall not die, but I shall live,
and recount the deeds of the LORD.
18The LORD has disciplined me severely,
but he has not given me over to death.

19 Open to me the gates of righteousness,
that I may enter through them
and give thanks to the LORD.
20This is the gate of the LORD;
the righteous shall enter through it.
21I thank you that you have answered me
and have become my salvation.
22 The stone that the builders rejected
has become the cornerstone.
23This is the LORD’s doing;
it is marvelous in our eyes.
24This is the day that the LORD has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.

25Save us, we pray, O LORD!
O LORD, we pray, give us success!

26 Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD!
We bless you from the house of the LORD.
27The LORD is God,
and he has made his light to shine upon us.
Bind the festal sacrifice with cords,
up to the horns of the altar!

28You are my God, and I will give thanks to you;
you are my God; I will extol you.
29 Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
for his steadfast love endures forever!

King David wrote Psalm 51 after he was confronted with all of his sins in regards to Bathsheeba: adultry, murder, lies, deception....

Psalm 51

Create in me a clean heart


1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your steadfast love;
according to your abundant mercy
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
and cleanse me from my sin!

3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is ever before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you may be justified in your words
and blameless in your judgment.
5Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
and in sin did my mother conceive me.
6Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.

7Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins,
and blot out all my iniquities.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me.
11 Cast me not away from your presence,
and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
12Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit.

13Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will return to you.
14Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God,
O God of my salvation,
and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness.
15O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

18 Do good to Zion in your good pleasure;
build up the walls of Jerusalem;
19then will you delight in right sacrifices,
in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.

I gave up worry for Lent. For those who know me best, you will think, that didn't last long. The anxious thoughts have tried to creep in and capture my mind. I will be honest I've lapsed into moments were I've allowed my thoughts to race towards gloom and despair. And at those moments I begin to pray, sing, read God's word, or talk to Troy to help me sort through my thoughts.

I also want to try and fix things to make it better. I have quickly discovered there are many things I cannot fix: cancer, sickness, depression, gossip, broken families, lies told in order to destroy, sin, and the list goes on. I am a visual person and so during my prayers I envision myself placing all of my worries and problems into the Lords' hands. His hands are far more capable than mine. Than I rest in the knowledge He will work it out.

“Let you gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:5-7

A lone tear escapes and trails down your cheek and soon afterwards another falls until they are like an army marching forward into battle. You are blinded by your grief and you are too weary to care anymore. You know the Lord walks with you but you are so tired and you are wondering why it has to be so hard. You close your eyes to pray and you are unable to form a coherent thought let alone express your deepest of sorrows. You wonder for a brief moment if you have lost your faith but you know God is there with you in the midst of your pain. You take comfort in knowing the Lord knows your heart and your thoughts. The Holy Spirit will intercede on your behalf when you are unable to pray.

You feel lighter like a great burden has been lifted from your shoulders. In the quiet of the moment you feel a sense of peace. Once again you are reminded you do not need to rely upon your own strength it was never enough, but the Lord will give what you need for each moment.

May you always know God's peace and comfort. I pray you will be renewed and refreshed by God's word today and always.

Psalm 42

1 As a deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, O God.
2 My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God? 3 My tears have been my food
day and night,
while they say to me all the day long,
"Where is your God?"
4These things I remember,
as I pour out my soul:
how I would go with the throng
and lead them in procession to the house of God
with glad shouts and songs of praise,
a multitude keeping festival.

5 Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation 6and my God.



My soul is cast down within me;
therefore I remember you
from the land of Jordan and of Hermon,
from Mount Mizar.
7Deep calls to deep
at the roar of your waterfalls;
all your breakers and your waves
have gone over me.
8By day the LORD commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is with me,
a prayer to the God of my life.
9I say to God, my rock:
"Why have you forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning
because of the oppression of the enemy?"
10As with a deadly wound in my bones,
my adversaries taunt me,
while they say to me all the day long,
"Where is your God?"

11 Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.

How often do you feel at peace? With yourself, others, God? Where are you looking for peace? Family, Friends, Food, Alcohol, Drugs? If you have chosen any of those how it working for you? I'm not asking you that question in judgement...I'm asking because I understand.

I haven't really tried the alcohol and drug option but I would imagine they would only provid temporary relief. I'm guessing because I often turn to chocolate to solve my problems. But I have quickly discovered my problems are still there and nothing has been solved. I love my family and friends and they have been there in countless ways to give encouragement and love to me. But they cannot provide me with true peace.

All of us face problems on a daily basis. I would like to focus on the sorrows in life to which no matter how hard you try they do not change.

A loved one suffering from cancer.
Health issues
Death
Being separated by distance from friends and loved ones
Abuse
Broken relationships, you have tried to repair them, but they remain broken
Finances
Job loss

I'm sure this list could be much longer. We each have our own crosses to bear. Please know that you are not alone. Jesus has given us grace and peace in abundance. Some you might be thinking, yes that is true, but how does that solve my problems. It may not solve your problems but we can find comfort in knowing the Lord walks with us and we are never alone.

May you find comfort in God's word.

1 Peter 1:2-9
May grace and peace be yours in abundance.
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, 5 who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, 9 obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.




Wonderful, merciful Savior
Precious Redeemer and Friend
Who would have thought that a Lamb
Could rescue the souls of men
Oh you rescue the souls of men

Counselor, Comforter, Keeper
Spirit we long to embrace
You offer hope when our hearts have
Hopelessly lost the way
Oh, we hopelessly lost the way

You are the One that we praise
You are the One we adore
You give the healing and grace
Our hearts always hunger for
Oh, our hearts always hunger for

Almighty, infinite Father
Faithfully loving Your own
Here in our weakness You find us
Falling before Your throne
Oh, we're falling before Your throne