Thanks Cheryl for thinking of me, even though I have not blogged for a long time.

What was I doing 10 years ago?I had just started my call at Grace Lutheran in DeWitt. They were in the process of getting ready for the National Youth Gathering in Atlanta….. There were 40 youth going and so I had the goal of making personal visits with them before the gathering. I did accomplish my goal and I managed to visit with other youth who were not able to go to the gathering.

At that time I was dating, Troy. So, most of my free time, was spent with him. Of course, with Troy being a very busy farmer, he didn’t have a lot of free time either.

For those of you did not know me back than, we became engaged at Christmastime that year! I love Troy more today, than I ever imagined possible!
What are 5 things on my to-do list for today?Tackle Mt. Washmore…it is a never ending battle!Work with Jacob on reading/writingClean (another never ending project)Have some fun with my boys!Go grocery shopping.Snacks I enjoy:My snacks have changed since I have given up wheat and gluten. If I can find chololate that I can have...that would be my absolute favorite snack! I have been enjoying more whole foods and that is a good thing!Things I would do if I were a billionaire:Pay off all debt and invest enough money to live on without having to work.Establish trusts for the charities of my choice.Pay for Jacob and Matthew’s college education and help out nieces and nephews too!Hire a maid (so they can take over my neverending tasks of cleaning/laundry)
Travel with world with Troy and the boys.
Buy my dream house here and also in MN!
Make sure my Mom and Dad have everything they need.Places I have lived: Minnesota: Internationational Falls, St. Paul and surrounding area, Glencoe. Illinois: Washington and Peoria. Iowa: DeWitt, Calamus, Grand Mound.Jobs I have had:Baby Sitter
City Clerks Office in International Falls/Secretary
Camp Counselor at Lutheran Island camp for two summers
Janitor at CSP
Security at CSP(that lasted about two weeks)
Student Union/Desk Clerk
Switchboard Operator at CSP
Daycare assistant teacher
Hostess at Applebees
Stock girl at Woolworths
Waitress at an icre-cream parlor
DCE
Respite Coordinator for the Children’s home in PeoriaSubstitute teacher.

I had many different jobs to help finance my college education!

I will tag Melisa and Shannon!

Created by the Hand of God

Have you ever had your breathe taken away by something incredible? Have you ever had a moment where you could barely wrap your mind around an amazing picture, concept, or fact? Today I had a number of those moments at a CEW(Christian Experience Week-end) Renewal gathering. We had an opportunity to view a movie called "Indescribable".

How often do we sit in church and we hear the Genesis account of creation and we just listen and think...I've heard this before. Can you think back to when you were a child and were amazed by the wonder of it all when you were told, God created everything. Jacob and Matthew's response is WOW....how did He do that? Why did He do that? How big is God? And my favorite is God really loves us...doesn't He, Mom!

Today I was brought back too hearing and seeing as a Child? I didn't discover the fountain of youth....but I was reminded of a truth that I need to hear.

I am going to attempt to share some of those breath-taking moments with you. My prayer is that it will help you to see how precious you are to God. In this vast universe where the earth is a size of speck of dust, you matter to the King of all creation.

Earth is located in the Milky Way Galaxy...we are not in the center but on the outerskirts...the safest possible place for our Solar system to be. There are billions of stars in our Galaxy and if we were to count each one of them it would take us 2500 years. If you were to try and compare how big our solar system is to our galaxy it would be like placing a Quarter on the face of North America!

If you are feeling rather small and insignificant, please know you are not in God's eyes. A quote from the speaker brought tears to my eyes,"Nothing can shake you out of the hand of God." Whatever you might be going through right now in your life, the God of all creation cares about you and what happens to you personally. We cannot comprehend because we are not like God, we do not think like him, understand like him, reason like him, nor can we love like Him. We can go about each day rejoicing in His goodness, even when we are walking in the darkness.

There are many galaxies but there is one called the Whirlpool galaxy, I would like to share with you. There are two different pictures. The first picture shows the galaxy and the second shows the center of it.

This photo takes my breath away and it reminds me of this scripture passage.

1 O LORD, our Lord, How excellent is Your name in all the earth, Who have set Your glory above the heavens! 2 Out of the mouth of babes and nursing infants You have ordained strength, Because of Your enemies, That You may silence the enemy and the avenger. 3 When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained, 4 What is man that You are mindful of him, And the son of man that You visit him? 5 For You have made him a little lower than the angels, And You have crowned him with glory and honor. 6 You have made him to have dominion over the works of Your hands; You have put all things under his feet, 7 All sheep and oxen--Even the beasts of the field, 8 The birds of the air, And the fish of the sea That pass through the paths of the seas. 9 O LORD, our Lord, How excellent is Your name in all the earth!
Psalms 8:1-9 (NKJV)

Simple Things

With all of the stress in our lives lately…I have decided to focus on the simple things. To enjoy each moment I have with Troy and the boys. I think sacred and holy moments happen all the time but are we paying attention so we do not miss them.

I would like to give you a glimpse into some gold-nugget seconds we have had over the past couple of days. I will just list them at random not in any order of importance but as they come to mind.

Last night at our Lenten service we sang one of my favorite hymns, “When I Survey the Wondrous Cross.” I glanced over and much to my delight Matthew had his hymnal open and was singing with much gusto and enthusiasm the words of the hymn a half a beat behind everyone else. Did it matter to his Mommy or to his Lord and Savior Jesus, who died on the cross he was singing about? I’m sure it brought a smile to his Savior’s face because it was sung from the very depths of his soul and somehow Matthew knew it was a holy moment of worship. I could hardly sing as the tears rushed to my eyes….Matthew, I pray you will always love Jesus with your whole heart…and long to worship Him at every opportunity.

My boys love the moon, the stars, the planets, and anything else to do with our solar system. We were studying about our solar system on the computer yesterday and there was a page we could print off so they could color the planets. Matthew came up and insisted…he needed to color the planets too. How many three year olds even know there are planets?

Last night there was a Lunar Eclipse and so when we came home we stood outside in the cold and looked at the shadow which covered about 3/4 of the moon. The boys stood in awe and wonder and wanted to know how God could make that happen.

I had one those nights where you fall exhausted into bed and even though it had only been a few minutes…I was almost asleep when Troy came into bed. I had enough energy to snuggle close to the love of my life and fall asleep in his arms. I pray that I will never take those special moments for granted.

When it was time to get up this morning…I did not want to crawl out of my nice, warm little love nest. But I have much to do today. I woke up at about 4:00 a.m. and did not really sleep much after that. I knew I would be tired and I felt cranky. I put on my w/o clothes and when I heard my sweet little cherub yell from his crib in a not so very sweet voice. Matthew was tired and he was not afraid to act it out. I spent ½ an hour soothing him when…all he wanted to do was cry and be mad at the world. During those trying moments he wrapped his arms around my neck and held tight and snuggled into my shoulder….I breathed in his sweet smell and kissed his chubby little cheeks.

I did exercise and it felt good to finish my w/o even though I did not want to do it. While I was working out I decided the boys and I would focus on the simple joys of life today. I needed to make cookies and although I knew it would be a mess a let them help make up the cookie batter. They found great delight in cracking eggs and sneaking chocolate chips on the sly.

After the first pan came out of the oven you could smell the heavenly scent of chocolate and peanut butter mixed to perfection. The boys and I sat down to a feast of warm cookies with warm gooey chocolate oozing out of them, while dipping them into our glasses of milk. It was a tasty treat which tantalized our taste buds!

I pray the Lord will fill your days with the simple things in life because in those you will find the most extraordinary moments!

Happy B-day Mom!

My Mom is an amazing woman and I see the evidence of this with each passing year. Mom and Dad were married when she was 19 years old and she had all four of us kids by the time she was 24.

Dad worked a lot of 16’s so Mom could be at home with us. My Mom did not get her drivers license until she was 27, but at the time we only had one car…and so it didn’t make much of a difference in being able to go places. Our house had a great location…we could walk to school, church, the pool, the Hockey arena, the movie theatre, and pretty much any place we wanted to go.

We did not have a lot of money…but we never went hungry and we always had fun. Mom is one of the best money managers I have ever met…she can make a dollar stretch farther than anyone I know. When I realize how much money Dad only made over the years and how we survived is a miracle and a true testimony to God’s faithfulness.

Mom and Dad made sure all of went to the dentist twice a year (insurance did not cover), we all ended up with glasses, and some of us had braces. Mom and Dad sacrificed so many things so that we would not go without the basic essentials they felt were important for their children to have.

We never went on a major family trip and most of the fun we had growing up did not require a lot of money. But I do not feel like I was deprived. I have so many fond memories of my growing up years. We had our sibling squabbles..but we really did enjoy spending time with each other. All of the neighborhood kids liked to hang out at our house…because Mom always made them feel welcomed and special. She took the time to listen to their challenges too. One of my brothers’ friends called our house the cozy cottage. I think that explains why our friends were drawn there. We did not have the lastest gadgets or most expensive toys. Our house was filled with warmth and love. God was the center of our homelife. We had family devotions and it did not matter who was visiting they became a part of it. I would like to say that I didn’t feel apprehensive of what our friends might think…but many of them thought it was really cool that our family prayed together.

Mom gave us something far more valuable than anything money could buy…she gave us her time and her love. Mom never put herself before any of us…I can only imagine how tired she must have been at times. She poured herself into raising us kids, and I am so grateful and thankful for everything she did for me.

As I get older, I realize not everyone was as fortunate as I was to have a Mother like mine. My parents have been a gift from the Lord to me…they taught me about family, love, and most importantly to have faith in God.

My Mom is always there for me and I cherish the time I get to spend with her almost every day on the phone. It is hard to live so far away from my parents but through the wonder of the internet and great phone plans we are able to communicate a lot. My boys talk to Grandma and Grandpa a lot. My Mom find great joy in listening to Jacob’s corny jokes and she loves just listening to them life. She is showing them an important lesson about time…just spending time enjoying the simple moments with them.

I love you, Mom.

My Valentine, my soul mate!

This week the world will celebrate Valentines Day. A day that is set apart for showering the one we love with romantic gifts and dinners and flowers. Over the past couple of years Troy and I have not had a lot of money for romantic gifts and dinners…but we have quickly discovered, while those things are nice, they are not required for romance.

I want to dedicate this writing to my soul-mate and my one true love, my husband Troy. There are times when I look at my handsome husband and my heart quickens with the love I have for him. I feel so very blessed to have him as my husband…and I thank the Lord for the gift I have been given.

Troy has a heart of gold and he loves deeply. His thoughts are never consumed about himself but about others. If you have him as a friend….you have a rare gift. Troy will always go above and beyond what is asked of him. If you need help, he will go above and beyond to help you. He serves his God, his family, and his church with a diligence that is beyond compare. If you compliment him, you will discover a humble man. His thought would be why would you not give you very best.

We have been blessed with a deep and abiding love. It does not change because of the circumstances of life…it remains consistent day in and day out. Our love is precious and special, but it is not because Troy and I have the corner market on romance. Nor can we be puffed with pride and think we are better than others.

Long ago, Troy and I promised each other we would base our marriage and life upon God’s word. We would ask God to be at the center of our life and help us through each day. Our wedding verse, which has become our marriage verse: “Commit thy way unto the Lord, trust also in Him and He shall bring it to pass.” Psalm 37:5

Troy and I are not marriage experts but we put our marriage into the Hands of the One who designed it.

Maybe you struggle with your marriage and you wonder what you might do to help make it better. Here are a few things that have made a huge difference in our marriage.

1. Never go to bed angry with each other. If you cannot work it out, agree to disagree and focus on the love you have for each other.
2. Pray with each other. If you pray together, it will bring you closer to each other and closer to God. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate prayer, just pray about what is going on in your life. We usually start with praise and thanksgiving, asking God to help and be with those who are sick, special blessings upon family and friends, and finally seeking guidance and wisdom from the Lord on whatever is going on in our daily lives.
3. Join a couples Bible Study or form one.
4. Finally, if there is an issue you cannot work out. Seek counseling from your Pastor or a trained counselor or Psychologist. There is nothing to be ashamed of and you will be amazed at you can learn about yourself and your spouse.

Happy Valentines Day Troy….I’ll save the really mushy stuff for later![:X][;)]

Storms of life

In the midst of the storm have you ever wondered why the Lord has not stopped it? With tears streaming down your face you cry out to God over and over again? WHY? WHY? WHY?

Why do relationships have to broken? Why when you try with all of your heart to restore a conflict, the other person will not listen? Why would a Mother, turn her back on her child? Why would family members want to inflict pain upon us? Why are lies believed instead of the truth? Why Lord, have you not answered our whys?

I need to learn not to ask why? But to ask my Savior, what would you have me learn, from the storm. I have learned Jesus may not calm the storm, but He can calm me.

27 "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27 (NKJV)

Forgiveness

Bitterness steadily begins to creep into your heart and you do not even take notice of it until one day it erupts into your thoughts and pours out of your mouth. You realize, the situation you thought you had under control, is far from it.

You begin to think…if only this person would change, go away, pick on someone else, or get the help they desperately need, your life would be so much better. As time goes by despair starts to settle in and you do not see any relief in sight. You have held your anger in for so long towards this person, it has now turned to depression.

You feel alone, wondering why God has not answered your prayers; does He not see the mess you are in?

You are getting ready to throw in the towel, and God catches your attention through His precious word. And if that is not enough, He uses the saints on earth and the words of the saints in heaven to really drive home the point over and over again.

If you are wondering, is she talking about herself? I am. Over the last week, I have been on a journey of learning more about forgiveness.

My Mom had a wonderful devotion to share with me about the story of Joseph and how he forgave his brothers. He could have destroyed them, but instead he forgave them. He realized through his long journey of becoming second in command in Egypt, that God used the horrendous circumstances his brothers had started in motion, for good. This Bible story always catches my attention; Joseph was betrayed by his own flesh and blood. I was reminded of the betrayal Troy and I have felt because of a family member. As part of the devotion it told the following story:

An old fable gives the account of a mighty eagle seeking revenge on another eagle. The revenging eagle flew down to a powerful archer and asked him to shoot the other eagle. The archer said, “I need wing feathers for my arrows for such a task.” “Pull out my feathers,” said the eagle. The archer did so, but his most powerful shots failed to hit the highflying enemy eagle. The vengeful eagle now discovered that he couldn’t fly. The archer laughed and shot him. Satan also laughs as our hateful attitude destroys us.

I realized my bitterness and anger was only destroying me. I was putting way to much energy into trying to work this all out. On my own. I was wasting what should have been given to my wonderful husband and my precious boys.

Have you ever thought about how at the middle of Sin, is I? Herein, was my biggest problem…I would pray and ask the Lord to take it away….I would quickly pull it back and let it continue to fester. I wanted to be in control.

Finally, I buried myself in God’s word….it begin to soak in and God showed me the truth. This relationship is broken and I (Michelle) cannot fix it. I have tried everything I can possibly think of…to repair it. I can do nothing. Only God can bring healing and restoration to relationships. I do not know how it will all work out and it really doesn’t matter, because I am resting in arms of the One who has conquered sin, death, and the devil.

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

Two Things

Just for fun, at the prompting of my friend, Cheryl, Click on her name and check out her wonderful blog!

Two names you go by: Michelle and Mommy. (There are others, but I'm not telling!)

Two things you are wearing right now: Winnie the Pooh sweatshirt and a smile!

Two of your favorite things to do: Spend time with Troy and read.

Two things you want very badly: more time and more sleep.

Two favorite pets you have had/have: Tabby (farm cat) Maggie (our beautiful dog)

Two people you think will fill this out: Shannon (tag you are it!) Click on her name to check out her great blog too!

Two things you ate today: banana and a pink lady apple.

Two people you last talked to today: Jimella and my Mom.

Two things you're doing tomorrow: home school and enjoy my boys.

Two longest car rides: I'm going to use bus rides instead! St. Paul, MN to New Orleans and Peoria to San Antonio, TX

Two favorite holidays: Easter and Christmas

Two favorite beverages: Cappuccino's and Water!

Anyone else who wants to play, please consider yourself tagged!

One of those Days

Did you ever have one of those days, where nothing seems to go right? Yesterday, I really struggled. The day started off ordinary enough…I was enjoying my children…and laughing at their antics.

I was trying to convince Matthew, to sit on the potty chair. And it appeared things were going well, until…he decided he would not poop for me. I knew he had to go…and was holding it in. I gave up trying to force the issue.

I was on the computer and I was trying to fill out one of those surveys, so I could earn some extra cash. Our hospital bills and we do not even have them all yet…are going to be astronomical. I was fervently….trying to fill out this survey about Vogue magazine. I had to laugh…as I would not use that word to describe my life or my wardrobe. They were asking me questions that I considered to be silly and certainly did not apply to me.

During this brief encounter with glamour and glitz…I became aware of Matthew running to the bathroom and talking about his pull-up. He came traipsing out of the bathroom with his pull-up off and inside out and hanging upside down…. I felt like I was in one those moments were you cannot move fast enough…I saw this glob of suspicious looking goo fall too the floor. Matthew knew I wanted the poo in the potty…and so he came up with the brilliant plan of doing his job in his pull-up and dumping the evidence in the potty. Let’s just say…. it ended up everywhere but where it was supposed to go.

As I was cleaning up the mess….I started to cry….I felt an overwhelming sadness about all of the stress we have been under with my health, the family member whose mentally ill, and financial stress. The boys quickly realized, Mommy was crying and they did not know what to do. The harder I tried to pull myself together…the faster the tears fell down my face and dripped off the end of my nose.

I assured the boys that Mommy was okay, and I was not mad at them. Jacob, surmised the situation and said, Mommy are you crying because we are taking the Christmas decorations down today. I tried not to laugh because he was being so thoughtful and considerate, “maybe a little”, I said. I could not tell him of all the things I was really heartsick over.

I called my Mom and I sobbed out my heart to her. My Mom has soothed my heart more times than I can count. She could have been a first class counselor to strangers….but she chose to be available to give wise council to her children. Thank you, Mom for always being there for me!

Troy came in and I fell to pieces all over again. He told me he was very worried and wondered if my thyroid problem was causing me to act this way. He all ready knows I’m an emotional person….but he said this was extreme. I felt a little better after to talking to him.

I didn’t feel hungry for lunch and so I thought I better go back to the survey and finish it up. As I looked at the women in those magazines….my thought was I have nothing in common with them. I want to read stories about real women, who have real lives.

I plodded through the survey rolling my eyes at some of the questions…wanting to ask…who cares! After all of that….I earned one dollar! I decided I would better use my time in studying to earn my MT degree because at the end of an hour….I would make more than a dollar.

My mind was starting to move into a more positive direction when I found out my Tuscan Olive Jar did not survive a crash earlier in the day when the boys were goofing around. Jacob told me the truth with big tears in his eyes…I felt a brief flash of anger…but as I looked into these big beautiful blue eyes filled with remorse…it broke my heart. I told him, I wasn’t angry and that he and Matthew are more important to me than the things I have in my house. The big crack which cannot be hidden makes the Jar look more antique!

As the day went on…I spent time talking to God and pouring out my heart to Him. I found an herbal supplement that appears to help level out my emotions and moods, so far.

By the end of the day, it had turned into: “This is the day, the Lord hath made. I shall rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24

You see during my time with Lord…I heard His voice encourage me through the Word. The beautiful assurance from Isaiah 49 gave my heart peace: “I will never forget you my people, for I have carved you in the palm of my hand. I will never forget you; I will not leave you orphaned. I will never forget my own. Would a mother forget her baby, a woman a child within her womb? Yet, even if these forget…I will never forget my own.”

I received this as an e-mail yesterday. It meant a lot to me and so I thought I would share it with my readers. It was one of those days...where the storms of life were getting me down. Why do we think we think we can fix our problems? Now, don't get me wrong...I don't think God is going to reach down and do my MT homework for me, homeschool Jacob when he doesn't want to work, or get Matthew to listen. I'm talking about those problems in life where there is not an easy answer. Such as a relationship that is broken...you have done everything you know how to do to make it right and it is still not enough. I'm talking about a relationship with a person who is mentally ill. In this case, the person will not admit or recognize they have a problem. It has broke our hearts many times and there is no end in sight.

God has been there with Troy and I, during every painful and gut wrenching moment and He will continue to do so. (I don't mention the name of this person, to protect them.)

For those of you who know the pain of a broken relationship, whatever the reason. Know that, Jesus is right there beside you...carrying you if necessary. He will never leave you or forsake you.

I hope you enjoy this story and find comfort in the scripture that I included at the end.

LORD, PROP US UP

Every time I am asked to pray, I think of the old deacon who always prayed, Lord, prop us up on our leanin' side.After hearing him pray that prayer many times, someone asked him why he prayed that prayer so fervently.

He answered, 'Well sir, you see, it's like this...I got an old barn out back.It's been there a long time, it's withstood a lot of weather, it's gone through a lot of storms, and it's stood for many years. It's still standing. But one day I noticed it was leaning to one side a bit.So I went and got some pine poles and propped it up on its leaning side so it wouldn't fall.

Then I got to thinking about that and how much I was like that old barn.I've been around a long time. I've withstood a lot of life's storms. I've withstood a lot of bad weather in life, I've withstood a lot of hard times, and I'm still standing too. But I find myself leaning to one side from time to time, so I like to ask the Lord to prop us up on our leaning side, cause I figure a lot of us get to leaning, at times.

Sometime we get to leaning toward anger, leaning toward bitterness,leaning toward hatred, leaning toward cussing, leaning toward a lot of things that we shouldn't. So we need to pray, 'Lord, prop us up on our leaning side, so we will stand straight and tall again, to glorify the Lord.

If you look closely at this picture of the barn…you will see the One who holds us up.

Romans 5:1-5

1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a]have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Be Still

Those of you who know me...know I have been plagued with some serious health problems over the past few months. My parathyroids decided they were not going to properly monitor the level of calcium in my blood and so their malfunction caused them to pull calcium from my bones and dump it into my blood. This can cause a whole series of medical problems: extreme fatigue, depression, heart problems, and kidney problems. I did not experience kidney issues but I dealt with the rest of them.

I had surgery on December 21, and what was supposed to be a simple procedure turned into a 4 long hour ordeal for my family members as they patiently waited for the surgeon to finish. Usually a person with hyperparathyroidism only has one bad parathyroid....I was unique...all four of mine were bad. They were of course even more challenging because they were not in the places they would normally be, hence the 4 hour surgery. The surgeon thankfully managed to salvage a 1/2 of one and I am extremely grateful.

I ended up spending the night in the hospital because of length of my surgery. The nurse would come in and check on me and take my pulse and my pressure. She kept commenting on how high they were and thought perhaps it was the after affects of my surgery.

In the week that followed, I noticed my high pulse rate. I remembered the high blood pressure and decided I better get it checked out. My blood pressure and pulse were to high and after an ER visit, a trip to the endocrinologist....I was put into the hospital. Where for about 6 hours they tried to get my heart rate to go down...at 178 beats a minute your heart does not work properly. They called in a cardiologist and moved me to ICU, so they could monitor my medication better.

They discovered my thyroid is inflamed (because of the sugery) and because it was irritated...it caused a thyroid storm. It was dumping way to many hormones into my blood stream and causing all of the heart problems.

Prior to my surgery, everyone kept thinking I was having thyroid problems because most thought my parathryoids were a part of my thryoid. Other than proximity, they have nothing in common. The irony is now everyone thinks my lack of parathyroids are causing these problems and it is my thyroid. I'm trying really hard to find some humor in the situation but today I cannot.

I am on a calcium channel blocker which makes me feel like I need a good nap. And my thyroid is causing me to feel anxious and at times irritable. I am tired and I long to feel normal again. I could have a pity party(anyone want to come?), but I know it will not solve anything.

Instead, I'm going to talk to my heavenly Father about it. He has promised rest of the weary and strength for the moment. In a response to one of my health updates a former professor and friend of mine, sent me a scripture prayer. He told me to use it in times of stress...or needing to calm down....or just spending time with the Lord. I would like to share it with you...it has helped me to calm down when I think my heart is racing more than it should...during those moments when I am troubled and discouraged and I do not know what to say or pray.

Focus on God's message to you after you pray each phrase:

Be still and know that I am God.

Be still and know that I am....

Be still and know

Be still

Be.....

This verse is from Psalm 46

May God grant you the peace that passes all understanding.

Happy New Year!

Time flies! When I was a little girl, I remember impatiently waiting for the County fair to start. I complained to my Grandma how I could hardly wait and why were the days so long. My Grandma, spoke words of wisdom on that long ago day….I did not realize it at the time. She told me not to wish my life away and as I got older I would understand, that time does not stand still….it flies by so quickly, we wonder where it went.

I found so much truth….and now that I am a Mom, I would love to cling to these precious moments in time, because I know, all too quickly my boys will grow up. One of my goals this year is to not take my husband, boys, family, friends, health, or God for granted. I cannot make time stand still, but I can cherish each moment of life and not take it for granted.

This past year, I faced some major health challenges and it has caused to stop and take a look at my life. Because I felt so miserable, I was praying for each day to end as quickly as it began. I feel deep regret over moments lost this past year and I can never get them back…I can only move forward.

I also discovered this past week as I thought I was staring death in face…is I do not want live my life just biding time to go by because I do not feel well. There are some health issues I have no control over, but there are those I can control and I will start with those. You see, I thought I was having a heart attack they other night. Thankfully, my heart is in great condition, according to my cardiologist. Before hearing those words, I was thinking, “Michelle, this 70 plus pounds of fat has to go!” This is not helping your heart or any other aspect of your health.

I have not written in my blog for a long time….for various reasons. I want a fresh new start. This will be a great way to document the changes I hope to make this next year. My blog will change in someways…I will still write about devotional topics…but I also want to add stories about what is going on in my life about my health, my family, and I will also have entries about the 2008 political happenings. Now, I know I have many friends who share my political view points and there are other dear friends who do not. What I write about will be my opinions based on what I believe and my purpose is not to offend but to offer a discussion. You will be able to make comments on anything, I write. I always review my comments before I will post them….so I ask for there not be any vulgar language or bashing another persons belief. I believe we can have these discussions and remain friends. On some issues we will agree to disagree. I want to learn as much as I can about the political process and I want to search out the truth. So, I hope you will join me for what will prove to be an interesting year in the political arena.

I pray for God’s richest blessing upon you and your families in this year and always.

My heart was trembling in agony and I was sobbing so hard that I could hardly talk. I was standing in the Minneapolis airport getting ready to say good-bye to my younger sister Sheila. It was the summer of 1993 and communism had recently fallen in Russia and my precious baby sister was flying over to Moscow to become a missionary. Even though Sheila is younger; her wisdom is far greater than mine. Sheila looked at me and told me that I needed to stop crying and pull myself together. She asked me what is the worst thing that could happen to me over in Moscow? I told her that she could die over there and than what would I do!

I will never forget her response to my fears. “Michelle, whether I live or I die, I will be with God. What more could you ask for?” I was humbled and I felt ashamed that I had not put my trust in God. I remembered the little pin that I was going to give Sheila as a farewell gift. It was a picture of God’s hand and resting in His palm was a young girl. It goes along with Scripture passage from Isaiah 49, “I will never forget you my people, I have carved you on the Palm of my hand. I will never forget you, I will not leave you orphaned, for you are my own. Would a mother forget her baby? Or a woman a child within her womb? Even if these forget I will not forget you because you are my own.” I had bought pins for myself and our other sister Jimella, to wear close to our hearts while Sheila was in Russia.

The time had come for our final hug and although the tears were streaming down my cheeks and dripping off the end of my nose; I felt a peace from deep within. It was not a peace that could come from me, it was the peace that passes all human understand, the peace that can only come from God. My heart ached as I knew it would be almost a year before we would see each other again; and this was long before e-mail and cheap phone rates. I was excited for Sheila and all of the people that I knew she would touch with God love and to be able to share His precious word with them.

To know Sheila is to love her. She has a wonderful sense of humor and she embraces life with exuberance and all that it has to offer. When we were growing up Sheila would always read joke books and after we were supposed to be sleeping we would hear her laugh with great enthusiasm over her jokes.

Sheila is very creative and it would always shine through in the plays that she was involved in at school. She was never content to just be one of the actors, she helped design and sew costumes and anything else that needed to be done. She was also involved with the Speech team and always did well. Sheila is very intelligent and she graduated in the top twenty in her class.

She loves the Lord with all of her heart and her dearest desire is to serve Him in all that she does. I admire her ability to “Teach the Faith” her passion for The Word always shines through.

Sheila would need all of these things to meet the challenges of living in a foreign country. Learning a difficult language, understand a new culture that did not have any conveniences, and being so isolated from family and friends. Sheila’s faith in God helped her meet each challenge and difficulty. Her letters home were so precious to all of us; and we were able to share in her adventure through the stories that she would share.

Sheila had been in Moscow for a few months and it was the beginning of October. That week-end I decided to go home to visit my parents. That night we were watching the news we saw the horror that was happening in Moscow; they were in a midst of a Civil War. We sat there in shock and disbelief; and we watched the events unfold right before our very eyes. The phone begin to ring with family and friends calling from all around the world asking if we had heard from Sheila. We had no way of getting a hold of her and so all we could do was pray and ask others to do the same. After the phone had quieted I shared with my parents the talk that I had with Sheila at the airport. I had given my mom a little statue of a little girl carved in God’s hand. We talked about how we knew that Sheila was with God no matter what happened and that He was holding her close to Him right now. We found comfort that Sheila was living with a Russian family and she had quickly become their adopted daughter and they were very protective of her.

As I went to sleep that night I held onto to two thoughts: Sheila is with God and He has her in the Palm of His hand. I awoke many times and I could feel God’s peace surrounding me and I prayed that it would surround and enfold Sheila and also my parents.

The next morning the phone rang; I’m not a track star but I made record time in running down the steps to get to the phone, we knew it had to be about Sheila. Hearing her voice on the other end of the phone brought tears and hearts that were grateful to hear her beautiful voice. She said she knew she had to call because we would all be worried sick; she shared that while it was bad it was not as terrible as the news stations were sharing with us. Her Russian family had forbidden her to go out and would not do so until it was once again safe in the streets of Moscow.

Sheila spent almost two years in Moscow and shared God’s love with many people. Her letters shared many of her adventures and the struggles that she discovered living in a foreign country.

Sheila is now happily married and is back in the States. I am so blessed to have her as my sister and my friend.

WE WILL NEVER FORGET

Last week I saw the movie “World Trade Center.” I didn’t know if I was ready to relive the tragedy or not; but I wanted to see it. It is one of those movies that brings you right back to that moment in time and this time around I was right there at the WTC instead of watching it unfold on TV. It reaffirmed my belief that we need to stand strong in our war against terror.

We need to remember what happened on that day and how it changed our lives forever. I am so grateful and thankful for heroes that emerged that day who did not stop to think about themselves but so valiantly charged forward to help those in need. Many of those heroes lost their lives that day.

Today I want to honor all of the heroes of that day by sharing a writing that was read on Focus on the Family. Some of you may not remember John Wayne movies; but I remember them~ my Dad is a huge fan!

May God bless our US Military and their families, President Bush, and our beloved United States of America!

PEGGY NOONAN

Welcome Back, Duke

From the ashes of Sept. 11 arise the manly virtues. Friday, October 12, 2001 12:01 a.m. EDT

A few weeks ago I wrote a column called "God Is Back," about how, within a day of the events of Sept. 11, my city was awash in religious imagery--prayer cards, statues of saints. It all culminated, in a way, in the discovery of the steel-girder cross that emerged last week from the wreckage--unbent, unbroken, unmelted, perfectly proportioned and duly blessed by a Catholic friar on the request of the rescue workers, who seemed to see meaning in the cross's existence. So do I.

My son, a teenager, finds this hilarious, as does one of my best friends. They have teased me, to my delight, but I have told them, "Boys, this whole story is about good and evil, about the clash of good and evil." If you are of a certain cast of mind, it is of course meaningful that the face of the Evil One seemed to emerge with a roar from the furnace that was Tower One. You have seen the Associated Press photo, and the photos that followed: the evil face roared out of the building with an ugly howl--and then in a snap of the fingers it lost form and force and disappeared. If you are of a certain cast of mind it is of course meaningful that the cross, which to those of its faith is imperishable, did not disappear. It was not crushed by the millions of tons of concrete that crashed down upon it, did not melt in the furnace. It rose from the rubble, still there, intact.
For the ignorant, the superstitious and me (and maybe you), the face of the Evil One was revealed, and died; for the ignorant, the superstitious and me (and maybe you), the cross survived. This is how God speaks to us. He is saying, "I am." He is saying, "I am here." He is saying, "And the force of all the evil of all the world will not bury me."

I believe this quite literally. But then I am experiencing Sept. 11 not as a political event but as a spiritual event.

And, of course, a cultural one, which gets me to my topic.

It is not only that God is back, but that men are back. A certain style of manliness is once again being honored and celebrated in our country since Sept. 11. You might say it suddenly emerged from the rubble of the past quarter century, and emerged when a certain kind of man came forth to get our great country out of the fix it was in.

I am speaking of masculine men, men who push things and pull things and haul things and build things, men who charge up the stairs in a hundred pounds of gear and tell everyone else where to go to be safe. Men who are welders, who do construction, men who are cops and firemen. They are all of them, one way or another, the men who put the fire out, the men who are digging the rubble out, and the men who will build whatever takes its place.

And their style is back in style. We are experiencing a new respect for their old-fashioned masculinity, a new respect for physical courage, for strength and for the willingness to use both for the good of others.
You didn't have to be a fireman to be one of the manly men of Sept. 11. Those businessmen on flight 93, which was supposed to hit Washington, the businessmen who didn't live by their hands or their backs but who found out what was happening to their country, said goodbye to the people they loved, snapped the cell phone shut and said, "Let's roll." Those were tough men, the ones who forced that plane down in Pennsylvania. They were tough, brave guys.

Let me tell you when I first realized what I'm saying. On Friday, Sept. 14, I went with friends down to the staging area on the West Side Highway where all the trucks filled with guys coming off a 12-hour shift at ground zero would pass by. They were tough, rough men, the grunts of the city--construction workers and electrical workers and cops and emergency medical worker and firemen.

I joined a group that was just standing there as the truck convoys went by. And all we did was cheer. We all wanted to do some kind of volunteer work but there was nothing left to do, so we stood and cheered those who were doing. The trucks would go by and we'd cheer and wave and shout "God bless you!" and "We love you!" We waved flags and signs, clapped and threw kisses, and we meant it: We loved these men. And as the workers would go by--they would wave to us from their trucks and buses, and smile and nod--I realized that a lot of them were men who hadn't been applauded since the day they danced to their song with their bride at the wedding.

And suddenly I looked around me at all of us who were cheering. And saw who we were. Investment bankers! Orthodontists! Magazine editors! In my group, a lawyer, a columnist and a writer. We had been the kings and queens of the city, respected professional in a city that respects its professional class. And this night we were nobody. We were so useless, all we could do was applaud the somebodies, the workers who, unlike us, had not been applauded much in their lives.

And now they were saving our city.

I turned to my friend and said, "I have seen the grunts of New York become kings and queens of the City." I was so moved and, oddly I guess, grateful. Because they'd always been the people who ran the place, who kept it going, they'd just never been given their due. But now--"And the last shall be first"--we were making up for it.
It may seem that I am really talking about class--the professional classes have a new appreciation for the working class men of Lodi, N.J., or Astoria, Queens. But what I'm attempting to talk about is actual manliness, which often seems tied up with class issues, as they say, but isn't always by any means the same thing.
Here's what I'm trying to say: Once about 10 years ago there was a story--you might have read it in your local tabloid, or a supermarket tabloid like the National Enquirer--about an American man and woman who were on their honeymoon in Australia or New Zealand. They were swimming in the ocean, the water chest-high. From nowhere came a shark. The shark went straight for the woman, opened its jaws. Do you know what the man did? He punched the shark in the head. He punched it and punched it again. He did not do brilliant commentary on the shark, he did not share his sensitive feelings about the shark, he did not make wry observations about the shark, he punched the shark in the head. So the shark let go of his wife and went straight for him. And it killed him. The wife survived to tell the story of what her husband had done. He had tried to deck the shark. I told my friends: That's what a wonderful man is, a man who will try to deck the shark.
I don't know what the guy did for a living, but he had a very old-fashioned sense of what it is to be a man, and I think that sense is coming back into style because of who saved us on Sept. 11, and that is very good for our country.

Why? Well, manliness wins wars. Strength and guts plus brains and spirit wins wars. But also, you know what follows manliness? The gentleman. The return of manliness will bring a return of gentlemanliness, for a simple reason: masculine men are almost by definition gentlemen. Example: If you're a woman and you go to a faculty meeting at an Ivy League University you'll have to fight with a male intellectual for a chair, but I assure you that if you go to a Knights of Columbus Hall, the men inside (cops, firemen, insurance agents) will rise to offer you a seat. Because they are manly men, and gentlemen.

It is hard to be a man. I am certain of it; to be a man in this world is not easy. I know you are thinking, But it's not easy to be a woman, and you are so right. But women get to complain and make others feel bad about their plight. Men have to suck it up. Good men suck it up and remain good-natured, constructive and helpful; less-good men become the kind of men who are spoofed on "The Man Show"--babe-watching, dope-smoking nihilists. (Nihilism is not manly, it is the last refuge of sissies.)

I should discuss how manliness and its brother, gentlemanliness, went out of style. I know, because I was there. In fact, I may have done it. I remember exactly when: It was in the mid-'70s, and I was in my mid-20s, and a big, nice, middle-aged man got up from his seat to help me haul a big piece of luggage into the overhead luggage space on a plane. I was a feminist, and knew our rules and rants. "I can do it myself," I snapped.

It was important that he know women are strong. It was even more important, it turns out, that I know I was a jackass, but I didn't. I embarrassed a nice man who was attempting to help a lady. I wasn't lady enough to let him. I bet he never offered to help a lady again. I bet he became an intellectual, or a writer, and not a good man like a fireman or a businessman who says, "Let's roll."

But perhaps it wasn't just me. I was there in America, as a child, when John Wayne was a hero, and a symbol of American manliness. He was strong, and silent. And I was there in America when they killed John Wayne by a thousand cuts. A lot of people killed him--not only feminists but peaceniks, leftists, intellectuals, others. You could even say it was Woody Allen who did it, through laughter and an endearing admission of his own nervousness and fear. He made nervousness and fearfulness the admired style. He made not being able to deck the shark, but doing the funniest commentary on not decking the shark, seem . . . cool.
But when we killed John Wayne, you know who we were left with. We were left with John Wayne's friendly-antagonist sidekick in the old John Ford movies, Barry Fitzgerald. The small, nervous, gossiping neighborhood commentator Barry Fitzgerald, who wanted to talk about everything and do nothing.

This was not progress. It was not improvement.
I missed John Wayne.

But now I think . . . he's back. I think he returned on Sept. 11. I think he ran up the stairs, threw the kid over his back like a sack of potatoes, came back down and shoveled rubble. I think he's in Afghanistan now, saying, with his slow swagger and simmering silence, "Yer in a whole lotta trouble now, Osama-boy."
I think he's back in style. And none too soon.
Welcome back, Duke.

And once again: Thank you, men of Sept. 11.
Ms. Noonan is a contributing editor of The Wall Street Journal. Her new book, "When Character Was King: A Story of Ronald Reagan," will be published by Viking Penguin this fall. Her column appears Fridays.

Jacob looks at me with his twinkling eyes and a smile that could melt the sternest hearts and tells me that he wants to dance. We are about to have lunch at “Fairyland Ballroom”. All the tables are placed around a beautiful wooden dance floor and the lights are twinkling inviting you to come and dance.

Jacob’s enthusiasm is bubbling over and he can hardly contain himself. He goes out onto the dance floor and there is no music playing; at least not the kind that adults can hear. Jacob was listening to the music that plays in his heart and in his soul. His dance was filled with pure unadulterated joy. Jacob will tell anyone within hearing distance “that he has moves”. His dance was a combination of gymnastic; ballet; freestyle; and some tap dancing moves. Mind you Jacob has never had a lesson in any of those. His dance was so exuberant that you just have to stop what you are doing and smile.

Even though Jacob was the only one on the dance floor; he was not embarrassed, only filled with delight that comes from dancing.

After the meal Jacob begged me to dance with him; he may not have feelings of awkwardness, but his Mommy did. Finally, I thought to myself I don’t have a good enough reason not to dance with my son. Of course, I didn’t go out into the middle of the dance floor but oh how we danced. I’m not sure how many more times my precious son will want to dance to the music of his soul with his Mommy but I wasn’t going to pass up this opportunity.

I happened to glance up and observe the people around us. Many of them were smiling and chucking a little but in their eyes was a longing. When was the last time that you truly danced with delight? When was the last time that you did anything out of character for the pure bliss of just being alive? When was the last time you listened to the music of your heart and your soul?

Don’t get stuck in a rut and lose the joy of all that life has to offer. I could have missed out that day by thinking that I would look foolish; but now I have a precious memory to cherish of dancing with Jacob. Can you hear the music playing……….

“I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.”
John 10:10 (NKJV)

Father God enfold your heart with mine;
Give unto me the grace that is truly divine.

Lord, my heart is hurting like so many times before,
How can I go on and forgive once more.

Look to the Cross and look deep into the eyes of my Son,
The pain, the love, the despair that was His as I left him alone there to pay for your sins, that for you the Victory over life and death has been won.

Give me your pain, your deepest sorrows, the hurt that causes grief almost too much to bear; I will remove all of it, do not let anger and bitterness grow. In its place I will give you joy, hope, peace, and love~the world can offer nothing that can even compare.

Thank you Jesus, my struggling is done. Your hands are capable, you are all I need. When my heart is filled with you, we are one.

“My soul finds rest in God alone." Psalm 62:1

“You have a growth on your left ovary the size of a tennis ball, and there is a smaller growth on your right ovary.” I looked at my Doctor and tried to comprehend what this would mean. Dr. Donnelly looked at me and said, “I know that this is a lot to take in and it is a shock to you. You have to have surgery, I do not think that it is ovarian cancer but at this point we do not know what it is…. You need to make some very important decisions in a short amount of time. We will have a pathologist in the operating room with us and they will be able to determine right away if this growth is cancerous or not. If it is cancer what do you want me to do? I know that you would like to have another child… I’m so sorry to be asking you all of these questions right now.”

I took a deep breath and asked God to give me strength. As the tears flowed down my face, I knew what the answer needed to be and what Troy would want me to say as well. “I need to think about Jacob first, not about some child I may or may not have. If it is cancer please remove everything and do what ever else you need to do, Dr. Donelly, I trust you.”

The surgery was only a week away and as I drove home I felt numb. I found Troy and I sobbed as I told him of the decisions that I had made. Troy supported every single one of them.

I struggled with the thought of what if it was cancer and what if I died. I’m not afraid of death because I know that I will be with the Lord. But my thoughts kept turning to Troy and to Jacob, I was selfish in my thinking, I didn’t want anyone to take my place. What if they would love that person more than me…? I couldn’t bear to think those thoughts. I wrestled with my mind and my emotions…. Until finally I was too exhausted to even think about it anymore. It was during that time that I clung to God’s Word and the message that I kept hearing over and over again in my heart. Michelle, I love Troy and Jacob more than you do and it will be all right. Let me carry your burdens for you, do not worry. After that I felt at peace… I still cried but I knew that God would take care of everything.

When I went into surgery the staff asked me why I was so quiet and I simply told them that I was praying. They let me be and I did not even have to count backwards I fell asleep praying and resting in my Savior’s arms.

When I awoke from surgery they told me right away that I did not have cancer but that they were not able to save my left ovary. We would have another chance at possibly having another baby of our very own.

Dr. Donnelly told us that we did not have much time to waste and that we needed to “get busy” trying to get pregnant again.

During surgery they discovered that I had endometriosis and that it would only be a matter of time before I might have to have surgery again.

It had been 11 months since my surgery and we were beginning to think that maybe it was time to start talking about adoption. In our hearts we grieved but we were excited about the possibility of adopting a little girl from Korea. It was close to Easter and we decided that we would look into what we needed to find out after the Holiday. On Good Friday I began to suspect that I might possibly be pregnant. I did not want to entertain the thought for to long because I had thought this before only to be disappointed. On Easter Sunday after we came home from church, I could no longer contain my curiosity. I took the test and my heart leapt for joy when it showed that I was pregnant. I was crying as I came down the steps and told Troy that by Christmas we would have a special present that would not be found under the Christmas tree. We knew that I needed to have a blood test taken to make sure and so they next day we anxiously awaited a phone call from the lab confirming what I knew in my heart to be true!!!! We had to make sure that everything was okay because I had a higher risk for a tubal pregnancy.

Joy began to blossom in my heart and I knew that this precious little one was a miracle from God. This was confirmed even more when I saw the Doctor for the first time… he told me that my chances of becoming pregnant had been very small. My Doctor is a Christian and we marveled at what God was able to accomplish as a precious gift.

On August 1, 2004 we had a level two ultra sound done because of my age. We had decided that we wanted to know the sex of our baby. I was hoping for a little girl and so as we were there and the Doctor helped us to discover what our baby was going to be…. There on the screen we saw clearly that we were going to have a little boy. I fell in love with his image and it did not matter to me that this was not a little girl. As we walked out of the room Troy and I both looked at each other and we knew that we wanted to name our little boy “Matthew Robert”. We had talked about names and after seeing our baby we knew that was the name he would be given.

On December 18, we drove to the hospital to start labor. It was a long tiring day and I had terrible back labor. I clung to God’s promises and repeated them over and over again as the waves of pain rolled across my back… and at times I could barely catch my breath as the pain just continued on an on. I could only stand to lie on my side but the nurses were concerned because every time that I did that Matthew’s heart rate would drop. Finally I consented to have an epidural because that was the only way that I could lay on my back to ensure that Matthew’s heart rate would not go down.

Everything moved fairly quickly after I received the epidural and Matthew came out into the world looking blue because the cord was wrapped around his arm. We held him for one moment and than they rushed him off to be under oxygen because his cry did not sound right. His pediatrician assured me over and over again that she felt that everything was going to be ok…. But my Mother’s heart was filled with concern over my precious little one.

Troy’s parents brought Jacob to see “Maffew Rabbit” for the first time. Jacob announced to anyone that would listen that was his baby in there. He was quite indignant that his baby was not wearing socks. We finally convinced him that it would be okay and that “his baby” was warm enough.

The nurses assured me that I could call and ask them how Matthew was doing during the night and depending on how busy they were I could come and in and see him. I awoke at 1:00 a.m. and called to ask if I could come and see him, they told me that I could help hold him as he was about to receive his first bath.

Holding him for the first time in my arms the tears fell unashamedly down my cheeks, our little miracle baby was finally here.

We discovered a couple days later at the University of Iowa Hospital that Matthew made the strider sound because his vocal chord was turned a little bit. During that time God kept reminding me that he love Matthew more than I could imagine and that we were all in God’s hands. I clung to God’s promises and felt the peace that can only come from Him.

God promises that He will never forget us. 15 "Can a woman forget her nursing child, And not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, Yet I will not forget you. 16 See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands. Isaiah 49:15-16 (NKJV)

This past week we celebrate our 39th Birthday. Some of you might be curious as to why I made reference to “we” and “our”. You see I am blessed to have a twin sister, Jimella.

Growing up I never lacked of having a playmate and a best friend, because Jimella was always there with me. Of course I had two other siblings so there were not too many dull moments in the Moorhead household.

We are identical twins and so we did not have to try to hard to create confusion for our family and friends growing up. To this day our family has to listen closely to figure out which sister they are talking too.

Jimella is one of my best friends; we have had many adventures and journeys together through the years.

I’ve made up a little poem using Jimella’s name to describe how I see her:

J for Jewel yet to be discovered; I could search the world over and not find a gem as precious as her. Jimella is as rare as her name and truer friend would be difficult to find.

I is intelligent. She is an intellectual and loves to study and read. She is like sponge when it comes for soaking up knowledge and she is always seeking God’s wisdom for her life and her family.

M is for My Sister, my friend, my confidante, my counselor, my cheerleader, my encourager, and my “Mella”.

Eloquent in speaking, singing, teaching, and sharing God’s love with all that she meets.

Love of God, Family, friends, and her church.

Lovely inside and out. Jimella has an inner beauty that shines out and it is from knowing and loving the Lord with her whole heart.

Amazing in being a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend.

Our relationship is not always perfect but at the end of the day we are blessed to know that God has given us a precious gift in each other.

“3 I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, 4 always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, 5 thankful for your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. 6 And I am sure that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. 7 It is right for me to feel thus about you all, because I hold you in my heart, for you are all partakers with me of grace, both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel. 8 For God is my witness, how I yearn for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus. 9 And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, 10 so that you may approve what is excellent, and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, 11 filled with the fruits of righteousness which come through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.” Phil 1:3-11 (RSV)

Our oldest son Jacob just turned five this month….. I look at him and I’m astonished to see that my little boy is now not so little anymore. It was only yesterday……. that he was beginning to walk and not toddle about, learning to sing his ABC’s, discovering numbers, wearing big boy underwear for the first time, saying I love you for the first time, always wanting to hold Mommies hand, holding his baby brother so carefully and calling him Maffew Rabbit (Matthew Robert), and other precious memories that I have stored in the part of my Mommy’s heart that will always belong to Jacob.

Yes, tears of love and joy are falling down my face. They are filled with memories of discovering that I was pregnant, of hearing his tiny heart beating for the first time, and the moment that we were able to first gaze upon that sweet little face. The awe and the wonder of realizing that God had taken a part of me and a part of Troy and created this amazing little boy that we are so blessed to have as our son.

Time flies on and on and it does not stop even though we want to grasp just a few more moments of each stage that they go through. And yet we know deep in our hearts that there is a natural progression of watching our little boy grow up.

Now I know why parents like to watch their children sleep, it’s because we want to commit every tiny detail to memory of our little angels.

When we brought Jacob home from the hospital, I quickly discovered he loved to have me sing to him. I made up a little song for him and when Matthew was born Jacob insisted that it become Matthew’s song too. Jacob’s heart is often generous when it comes to sharing love with is brother; maybe not so generous when it comes to sharing toys. I sing these words to the tune of, “Children of the Heavenly Father”. The last little verse is from the book, “I’ll Love You Forever”.

Mommy loves her little Jacob,
He’s her precious little angel,
He was sent from God above
As our precious gift of love.

I will love you forever
And I will like you for always
And as long as I’m living,
My baby you will be.

Yesterday was my husband’s birthday and as a family we had a wonderful day together. As the moments slipped on by as they seem to do as I get older, I reflected on what a gift Troy has been to me. He is my soul mate and the love of my life.

I have shared earlier in a different writing that Troy and I share the same confirmation verse and that we used that verse for our wedding service. The Pastor a dear friend of ours also used the verse prior to our confirmation verse: “4 Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass.” Psalms 37:4-5 (NKJV)

During the wedding sermon our friend talked about delighting in each other and reminded us to focus on the joy because God had brought us together. Troy and I love to listen to our wedding sermon and it has been a great reminder of what we need to focus on in our marriage.

This past year Troy and I have heard distressing news of two different couples that we know of that they are either close to divorce or have all ready filed for divorce. We were so devastated and heart broken that we were unable to sleep; because we could not understand how this could happen. Both of these couples had strong Christ-centered marriages that we had both admired. We never dreamed that we would hear the unsettling news that their marriages were over.

The Devil does not like strong Christian marriages because it is a threat to all of his evil plans to destroy Christian homes and families. We have seen other marriages fall apart that once were so strong and we are left standing with an ache in our heart for our friends and their families.

Troy and I have come to the conclusion that we need to pray for God to protect our marriage from all of the distractions of life. We need to make sure that we take time to talk and to listen to each other. Not just to pray for each other but to pray together. ( I will never forget that when we found out that my Grandma was dying from cancer and it was during the fall, one of the busiest times for farmers. Troy would come in exhausted from a long hard day but he would always take the time to find out how Grandma was doing; and to take time to comfort me. It would have been so easy for him to go straight to sleep but he knew that I was hurting and wanted to encourage my heart.) That marriage is not about our own individual wants but is about what is best for both of us and our family. And finally it is only by focusing on Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior and making Him the focus and center of our life, that can make a marriage strong.

I was with some friends and we were discussing the book, “ The Power of a Praying Wife”. One of our friends spoke up and said she was disappointed at first to learn that the concept of the book is “it’s not about me.” We all laughed because we know that it is true. The only person that you can change is yourself.

I know there can be deep hurt and disappointments in marriage. And I will not pretend for one minute that I have all the answers to the problems and challenges of marriage.
However, I would like to share what Troy and I have learned that has been helpful and a blessing to our marriage. (These have been lessons learned from God.)

1. Do not go to bed angry at your spouse. “26 Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil. Eph 4:26-27 (RSV). From experience I know that you will not be able to sleep because the devil will use this opportunity to harden your heart even further against your spouse. You don’t need to solve everything that night but at the very least get to the point where you can go to bed and sleep peacefully.

2. Realize that there are problems beyond your ability to solve as a couple. When you get to this point seek counseling from a Pastor or a professional counselor. Troy and I have done this several times and we have not regretted it. Please understand that it does not make you a weak person to accept outside help.

3. Pray together. Troy and I do this before we go to sleep. For some this might be difficult and uncomfortable at first. It is a blessing to be able to pray together with your spouse.

4. Do not try and change each other. You can only change yourself.

5. Do not assume that the other person knows why you are upset. Even if you think that it is the most obvious thing in the whole world. Your spouse is not a mind reader.

6. No one can live up to our expectations. A wise friend once told me: Expectations lead to planned resentment.

7. Apologize and Forgive. In God’s eyes it doesn’t matter who was right or wrong he wants us to reconcile. When your forgive someone it doesn’t mean that you are saying that what they did was okay, you are releasing it and letting God take care of it. Do not let pride get in the way. And only God can truly help us to be able to do this.

I felt compelled to share about marriage today because it has been placed upon my heart to pray for all marriages. It has also been the topic of many Christian radio shows that I have listened to this past week.

In closing I would encourage each of you to pray daily for your marriage (if you are married), and the marriages of family and friends. And finally I will leave you to meditate on this portion of scripture: “5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. 6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” Prov 3:5-6 (RSV)